Jillian's Letter

Her hands quivered as she wrote. It was a stormy day, rain pattered against the window shutters as the trees shook and danced to the tune of the wind howling.

            She traveled the land, she saw amazing sights and killed scores of man, women and beast. She once stabbed a spear made of crystal into a demon lord erupting from an ancient stone. These were easy jobs by comparison to her task ahead. Jillian Cole had the chance to write a letter to the love of her life and could guarantee she would get the letter. The hardest decision was what to write.

            Jillian had lost her love once and worried so intensely that he second chance would slip through her fingers. “Hello, how are you? I’ve stopped killing. As much” Jillian scribbled the words down, scrunched her face at how awful it sounded, crumbled the paper and threw it out. She grabbed a new piece of paper, set it down and stared at it. The intimidation grew from this fresh piece of blank paper. This could be the final letter that gets sent or it could be a load of garbage that ends up in the ever-growing pile of reject ideas. Jillian really wished she could just prove herself by killing something.

            Day turned to evening, then evening dragged on into night. Jillian’s reject pile had grown and her sword arm was growing restless. “Maybe I could kill just one bandit, then right back to work on this letter. Killing DOES help people. If I save someone then its fine right?” Jillian said out loud to herself. Fighting gave her a sense of purpose and killing was a rush that she grew fond of. Jillian’s love left because she worried that Jillian killed too much and too frequently.

            “It’s either Me or the Vanguard” Jillian’s love said before she walked off. Jillian Cole WAS the Vanguard and found it impossible to choose, so the choice was made for her. Jillian could abandon the armor, take up another line of work and stop killing bad guys and monsters, but wondered if she would be the same person after that, would she still be herself?

            After hours of anguishing over each word, Jillian finally scrapped her current work, a full paper of apologies and excuses, fond wishes and lovely words. Jillian grabbed a new piece of paper and wrote her true feelings.

            “Hello my love. There’s not a day that goes by that I do not miss you. I miss the scent of your hair. The way you comforted me after battle and told me I would be amazing no matter if I had the armor or not.

 I understand why you left and I know now why I couldn’t make that decision myself.

I needed to tell you that even if you have moved on, that I still love you. I do not expect this letter to change your mind however. I am still the Vanguard. I cannot be anyone else. We cannot take a piece of a person and wish it to be the whole of them. I am the woman outside of the armor who smiles and jokes with you, but I am also the one inside the armor who fights endless battles. I hope that you are well. If you ever need me, please reach out. Goodbye for now. I hope to see you again soon”

Jillian finished writing the letter and put her pen down. She had written her honest feelings and that is all she could have done. She began to re-read the letter and a twinge of disapproval entered her mind. She wanted to change words and maybe even start over. Jillian slammed her fist down and declared “NO, It is finished” And the broke her pen in half and threw it on the pile of reject papers.

            The now finished letter was carefully folded with love, put into an envelope and sealed with wax. Jillian smiled to herself as walked over to a very frightened delivery man who was tied to a post in the cabin where she had been writing.

“So you know the woman I speak of, correct?” Jillian said in a tone that could sheer flesh. “Y-yes, of course, I’ve seen her many times while delivering l-lett…” The delivery man was cut short as Jillian nodded and shushed him. His whimpering upset her stomach and she needed him to do a job not tell his life story. “Alright. I will release you. Take this letter and make sure she gets it. Do NOT tell her that you were tied to a post. If you do tell her OR if you fail to deliver the letter all, you will see me again.” Jillian explained calmly. Then she gestured to her black Vanguard armor. “IF you do see me again I will be wearing that. And that armor will be the last thing you see" She hissed. "Now go!” She shouted.

            The delivery man took the letter, nodded several times and started to leave. “WAIT!" Jillian shouted. The poor delivery man froze and trembled. “Here is your pay. I am not an unfair woman” Jillian said softly as she poured a pile of gold coins into his trembling hands. It was enough gold for a weeks worth of deliveries. Which worked for him because he was only tied up for a day and a half.

            The storm had calmed and the deliveryman ran off into the night. Jillian felt giddy and nervous like a schoolgirl waiting to hear from her crush. It was a night of emotional growth for Jillian. “Now that the letter is sent, time to go back to work” Jillian said with a sly grin then began to adorn her black Vanguard armor. Out into the world there were monsters and bandits who were dead and didn’t even know it yet. Jillian needed to work off the stress from writing that letter and the outside world would feel it.