Calm is the night

Hello! I had a sudden urge to try a different writing style. not sure how good it is, but at the very least it is a nice change of pace. enjoy!

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Calm is the night. The room I stay in is lit with only but a candle. I stare off into the endless darkness and it haunts me. Still it haunts me to this day that I be subject to such horrors. With the passing of my family and fiancé the night grows longer and ever more dark. While others might turn to drink I try to resist and hold my own. I would be a fool to dull my senses, as it might seem like a sweet escape for now, I believe it would only further my own agony. When the light of dawn arises I would feel a sickness in my head and stomach, and still the nightmares would not be vanquished.

            The days are no more comfort, I toil away and labor for my simple pay. I wish to busy my mind with other things. To distract from the sorrow that is my life, but alas to no hope. I would be glad to be rid of the pain, if only someone else would take it from me. But no manner of kindly word, daily distractions or nightly gallivanting can sooth my savaged heart.

            When the world turns pale and I feel there is nothing else, I ponder my own demise. I wish for it, I wish to be rid of this world and its infinite sorrows. But no matter how I wish and hope, my heart still beats and my lungs still take in air. My misery fills my head with death, but I cannot bring it upon myself. I know not what I have to live for, but still I cannot do the deed. Perhaps I am a coward, too fearful of what lies on the other side, too healthy for death to take me, but too craven of a man to go seek him myself.

The hour grows late and I grow tired. I feel as though in the entire world, I am the last one to sleep. It is only at such ungodly of an hour that I become wearier than I am broken hearted. So with that I will end this. To my bed I shall go as I hope that I will one day rest and dream a peaceful dream.