Absent Fantasy

Words fill my head like a stream, a river of consciousness, the thoughts flow. My waterfall of thought crashes against the rocks of depression only to end there. The thoughts are destroyed and motivation banished. Words mean so little to me these days. I say them and feel nothing. No rainbows and giant trees, orcs and trolls are absent from the strange lands that my mind used to inhabit. The world of fantasy is empty and I am left alone in an empty field with gray skies. When the world of fantasy starts to look bleak then I begin to live more in the real world. My mind and my time are spent longer and longer in the real world. Bills, responsibilities, pain, depression attack from all sides, but the real world has beauty in it too, love, friendship, excitement and deeper sights and smells than my fantasy world ever had. I the rich smell of wood smoke and the feel of an autumn breeze exist in the real world but they are passing experiences. So I hold them tight and steal them away in through the door of fantasy. I grab as much of these experiences as I can but when they get into my world of fantasy they don’t have the same splendor. The imagined autumn tree has become flat and the rich fragrance of wood smoke is nothing but a wisp of a memory.

            My fantasy world used to take a tree and create a forest. One unique tree could even inspire an entire story. The tree could be ugly, strange or beautiful, it didn’t matter. Whenever I saw something so unique that I felt it didn’t belong in the real world I would steal it, I would take it to join the fantasy in my mind. In my fantasy world trees could talk if they were ancient enough, regular people could be heroes or villains, cats were magical, well more magical than in real life, and I could be free.

            I feel like my world has started to mirror the never-ending story. The nothing consumed the Never Ending storybook and destroyed the wondrous creatures that lived there. I feel that the Nothing has come for my fantasy world and it makes me nervous. Though I hope that this absence of fantasy is temporary. Maybe the Nothing didn’t consume my fantasy world, but instead I have become too tainted by stress and the real world to see the fantasy before my eyes. The fantasy creatures that once lived in my world still exist, but I just cannot see them. I miss them. I write about characters like Pumpkin Jack, the Gravedigger, Hobbs, the Vanguard, those hundreds of characters named Joseph and Jack, the lands like Hallows end, Bokro, Dark town and autumn carnival, I write about these people and places but I can’t see them as much anymore. I used to be able to picture them so clearly as if they stood in front of me but now I write about them from memory of what I think they would do and say. I miss them and I don’t know how to return to the worlds I once created. This is not the first time I have felt distant from my stories, but it might be one of the longest times I have gone without writing, or without visiting the fantasyland in my imagination.

            I am sure there are plenty of people who would be confused or not understand the severity of what I am talking about, some might think I am insane and lost my grip with reality, sadly I have not, I know all too well what reality is. To dream makes us human and the capacity for fantasy is one of greatest gift you could have. Children have the capacity for fantasy and the live half in fantasy and half in reality, but parents either choose not to nurture this gift or they straight out destroy it. Some people die but continue to walk through life thinking they are alive. This society is not made for dreamers and artists, this world is cold and hard and you have to look for the good and the warm. Every human has to search for the good in life and some never find it.

            In my opinion, the nicest thing you could do for someone is make them a meal and tell them a story. 

Clash of Banners part 2

Years went on and the crown hadn’t been found. The two kings hadn’t spoke in years and the only time they saw each other was on the battlefield as their men fought and died for the glory of their foolish kings.

            Axes clashed on armor, swords clashed against shields and blood ran like a river through the open battlefield. Stefan was covered in the finest armor and carried a sword blessed by priests. He strode onto the battlefield shouting orders to his men and fighting off enemy soldiers when he could. Stefan’s strategies were keeping the blue army in the fight but the Red Bear army fought with the force and savagery of actual bears.

            Nathaniel strode out onto battle with red and black armor, a black cape bellowing behind him. He drew a battleaxe from his holster on his back and charged into battle. Blue soldiers bled red blood as Nathaniel tore through their ranks. Despite their age the old kings fought with the might of men half their age.

            In the horizon was the dragon mouth volcano. The birthplace of the Archmage crown and its current resting place. After years of searching the volcano and every other location in the land, a secret cave was found and both kings showed up in force to explore it.

            As the soldiers from both armies fought on Nathaniel ran for the volcano. Once he had the crown, the war would be over and he would have won, he would have proved that he was better than the king of the west. Once he reached the cave Nathaniel sneered seeing that Stefan was already there. “There is only one was to end this” Stefan said with his sword drawn. Nathaniel was a little shaken to see his friend after so many years. He knew they would have to fight but he wasn’t prepared to see Stefan, battle hardened and serious. “Where is the foolish grin I used to know?” Nathaniel asked. Stefan flinched “You are the fool if you think I will back down now. I am so close to proving I am the best and strongest. Once I have the crown…” Stefan said as his guard wavered. Nathaniel snapped back to his senses and rushed forward, axe in hand. They both were weakened by childhood memories, but this was not time for games.

            Nathaniel’s battle-axe clanged against Stefan’s sword and to the surprise of both men, Stefan repelled Nathaniel’s crushing axe strike. Nathaniel stumbled backward and tried to regain his balance. Stefan looked with amazement, it was the first time he had ever blocked an attack from Nathaniel. Without another word Stefan ran into the cave, he figured luck was on his side but he wasn’t interested in testing it again.

            Nathaniel chased after his rival and the two ran deeper and deeper into the depths of the volcano. As the two kings ran through the long tunnel they quickly lost light. In their haste neither of them brought a torch or light source and they were now in the dark underground, far from where the sun could reach them.

            “Just give up, this war is destroying us” Nathaniel shouted in a moment of clarity. “You are asking me to give up, yet you are not willing to do the same” Stefan shouted back. Light could be seen coming from the mountain’s depths. The kings ran toward it, now only several feet from each other.

            Stefan ran into a large stone room in the center of the volcano. In the center of the room was a pillar of lava and in the center of the pillar was the magical crown of the Archmage. The crown’s magic was keeping the lava from spilling out into the room and flooding the tunnels. So if someone grabbed the crown, lava would pour down on them and their only hope would be to use the crown’s magic for protection.

            “Perfect, I can obtain the crown and burn you alive with lava at the same time” Stefan said to Nathaniel who was now standing next to him. “This isn’t the way” Nathaniel said. “I-I need to be better” Stefan said.

            “I have sacrificed too many lives to stop now” Stefan said finally then drew his sword again. “I must end this” Stefan added then thrust his sword out and stabbed Nathaniel in the chest. Nathaniel was too close and his large axe was not made for split second reactions and deflection. Nathaniel didn’t know why he so foolishly let his guard down. Maybe it was nostalgia blinding him from seeing how their relationship had changed.

            Nathaniel drew his axe and swung it with the last of his strength. Stefan dodged the attack and stuck again. Nathaniel dropped to his knees with a look of disbelief as he bled from his chest. Due to the blood loss and the whole dying thing, Nathaniel didn’t see Stefan’s face.

            Stefan’s guilt was written across his face. In his mind it had to end in one of them dying. They had done too much and went too far to just shake hands and share a laugh. To call a truce now after both of the kingdoms bled for this silly war would be an insult to those who died. Stefan’s greed no longer guided his actions, but his guilt did.

            With slow somber movements Stefan walked up to the crown reached out and plucked it out of the lava. The pillar of fire did not melt the king’s hand and the crown was not even hot when Stefan placed it on his head. The lava was no longer being held at bay by the magic of the crown. Stefan watched with unfocused eyes as molten rock and fire flooded through the tunnels. It consumed the body of his friend and spilled out onto the battlefield.

            With both kings gone from battle and lava spreading out along the field, the armies of the Hawk and the armies of the Bear both retreated. The only one remained was Stefan, protected by the magic of the crown he floated in a sea of lava, his eyes never shifting from the spot were he killed his own friend.

            His sadness was interrupted by a thought. An intrusive little thought put there by an outside force. “You have the crown of the Archmage. What is your greatest desire? You can wield unlimited magical power and become the king of every land in the world. You can do anything you wish” This thought floated through Stefan’s head. The crown did not have a voice, but it could make the user aware of the power it possessed.

            Stefan smiled “Anything I want?” He muttered. The world would be changed how he saw fit. This was the kind of power most would never know and the smallest number of people who did use this power would never get a second chance if they lost it. Stefan knew exactly what he was going to do.

            Stefan woke to pain. a sharp stick was being jabbed into his side. “Wake up, or I shall taunt you a second time!” Nathaniel jeered. “You are a motherless swamp goat” Stefan replied only half awake. Then he realized whom he was talking too. Nathaniel stood by Stefan’s bed staring at him like a creep, holding a sharpened stick he made himself.

           

            Stefan had used the power of the crown to undo his mistakes. What Stefan did remember was the crown shattering as it used all of its magic to fulfill Stefan’s only wish. Nathaniel and Stefan were young adults again. Nathaniel didn’t remember anything of the future and Stefan only remembered it as a dream. As the day went on the memories of the future slipped away. The greed, guilt and years of jealously melted away and the two friends had their second chance. The two future kings would relive their lives as if nothing had happened. To make sure the future didn’t repeat itself the crown instilled one small memory, a fragment of the sorrow and pain that Stefan felt when Nathaniel died. This tiny nagging memory would trigger any time Stefan’s rivalry would start to get out of hand.

            The two kings grew up, they remained friends and at times would be rivals but anytime they fought they would fight on the same side.

Clash of Banners part 1

            Blood splattered the ground as the clashing of swords and cries of soldiers rang out into the sky. A red banner marked with a golden bear was held high over one army and a blue banner with a silver hawk held over the other. The red bear army belonged to King Nathaniel Waltz of the east, a clever old miser who was at bitter war with King Stefan Malroy. King Stefan ruled over the west and fought under the blue banner of the hawk.

            As Children Nathaniel and Stefan were the closest of friends. They would spend their days playing in the mountains of the east or the cities to the west and anytime they fought they would fight on the same side. As time passed they both grew into strong handsome men. Their playing turned into training and their pretend battles turned into sparring matches. They were the best of friends and the greatest of rivals.

            “You swine, you will never be strong enough to best me in one on one combat” Said Prince Nathaniel. This was usually true as Stefan had a great mind for strategy but lacked the reflexes and skill of a swordsman. “Your arrogance is such that you would assume to win even if I trained a thousand hawks to fight on my behalf” Stefan said with a smile. “Jesting as always. I would have bears of the forest mauling you before you could train a single hawk” Nathaniel replied. Stefan lunged forward with his training sword and Nathaniel blocked it easily. “I doubt you have the charisma or patience to even tame a single bear. Your words are just as foolish as my own” Stefan replied, then tried another attack. Nathaniel continued to deflect Prince Stefan’s attacks and laughed as he did so.

“If I could fight you with my brain and not my brawn, I would wind for certain!” Stefan said as he quickly became annoyed with the sparring match.

            The two men spent their youth like this. Enjoying their time together as they spent equal parts laughing as they did fighting. As they grew older they were taught how to act like a king and how to prepare for the day when they each would inherit the throne of their perspective kingdoms. Since the King of the East and the King of the West were such good friends each kingdom was looking forward to years of peace with their neighboring land.

            But the land was not joyous when the Stefan and Nathaniel took the throne. Due to their own childish rivalry the two kings tried to out do each other. It started harmless enough. One would make a bigger castle and the other would also make their castle bigger. Stefan built a grand church, so Nathaniel build a golden temple. At first the people of the land were cautious but happy at the new buildings and extravagance that their kings bestowed on them. Then rumors started of a magical treasure, the crown of the Archmage.

            The Archmage was the greatest wizard that ever lived. When he successfully learned every knowable spell he traveled to the top of the great dragon mouth volcano and used its burning flames and his own magic to form a crown for himself. The crown was imbued with his magic and showed to all that he was the king of magic and ruler of all that was mystical.

            When the Archmage died at the age of two hundred and fifty four, his crown was never found. It was thought that he hid the relic to prevent the undeserving from acquiring any amount of his awesome power. So naturally when the Kings of the east and west heard of this crown they both set forth with soldiers to find the crown.

            The crown was not only powerful but it also represented the final victory for only one king. He who wore the magical crown would have no equal and would suffer no rivals. Stefan and Nathaniel both wanted to ‘win’ and they used every resource at their disposal to do so...

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Part 2 read next week.