Joseph Stephens and the Hallows End part 2 of 4

Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams stared in amazement at the town before them. The mustached skeleton, Bob, had led them to Hallows End, the town dedicated to Halloween and misfits. “This is totally worth almost dying” Joseph said as his eyes were alight. Jaye’s excitement matched Joseph but he kept a watchful eye on his surroundings. His expression was guarded as he examined every monstrous villagers. “Where do you want to go first?” Asked Joseph with child like glee. Jaye’s serious expression melted away to form a silly grin “Anywhere that looks like the most fun” Jaye exclaimed.

Bob led the two friends down the main street. Along the street were the townsfolk, they ranged from skeletons, ogres, trolls, ghosts, imps and vampires to name a few. Joseph also saw a number of creatures that he couldn’t name. The creature whose body was made of ooze, with a snake-like tail for legs, five long tendrils instead of arms and a head with five screaming faces, was a new sight to Joseph.

Along the Road there were many kinds of structures, some were simple brick buildings with strings of lights along their exterior while others were large, brightly lit and in the shape of pumpkins, skulls, bats and trees. The one casino in town was in the shape of a devil’s head, with windows for eyes and a large mouth for a doorway. The entrance was covered in sharp ‘teeth’ and bright yellow lights shined from the ‘eyes’ of the building. Two large horns jutted up from the top of the casino, each horn was over fifteen feet high. Joseph immediately walked towards the casino but was stopped short by Jaye. “We could win so much money, I just know it!” Joseph protested. “Or lose our heads in the process”

Bob had continued to obliviously march down the street. Joseph and Jaye quickly caught up to the skeleton before he even noticed they had left. Ahead of them was the popular tavern, “The Grinning Jack”, a structure in the shape of a Jack-O-Lantern, with a large crooked grind carved into it. The eyes, nose and mouth had sharp edges and light poured from each hole. The tavern was both eerie and welcoming at the same time, which was how most of Hallows End felt.

“This town is really well lit for a town full of monsters” Joseph commented. Bob coughed, or made a coughing noise to signal his displeasure. Skeletons can’t cough. Or grow mustaches. “That is racially insensitive, not all monsters lurk in dungeons and caves. Some do, and we actually have a part of town where lights are banned, but still. Please do not assume things” Bob lectured. “Ok, ok. Sorry. Jaye and I have fought our share of aggressive beasts and are used to a certain atmosphere. But this place really shows that everyone can live together in peace” Joseph said. “Well almost everyone. We are here because of unruly skeletons right?” Jaye added. “Yeah, thats true. Apparently not skeletons” Joseph commented. “Not all skeletons, ok? Not all skeletons, just some are unruly” Bob shot back.
The troop entered the Grinning Jack tavern, inside was decorated with orange and black, it was rustic and had strings of lights along the ceiling and around the stairway railing. The bottom floor was an open room with a bar, bar stools, tables, chairs and a more private corner with a booth. The upstairs was reserved for rooms for staying the night. The door to each room was partially visible from the bottom floor and was decorated with a pumpkin and each pumpkin had the room number printed on it.

Bob led the group to the bar. “This is the best place to start. Everyone is very chatty when they drink. Also the bartender is a nice guy” Bob explained. Behind the bar stood a man with an orange cloak, a green and black shirt, black pants and a jagged looking sword on his belt. His face was covered in scars and scars that ran along both sides of his mouth and around his eyes made him look like a human Jack-O-Lantern. “Names, Pumpkin Jack. how can I help you?” Asked Jack. The two looked at eachother “Well do you have pumpkin beer? Or would that be an insulting generalization?” Asked Joseph. Jack laughed “No, we do have pumpkin beer, thats the theme after all” He shrugged and poured two pumpkin beers.

“We also are looking into this skeleton problem. I guess all the skeletons are acting up and committing crimes?” Jaye told Jack. “Not ALL skeletons” Bob piped up. “Yeah, some skeletons have been breaking laws but this is a town of monsters and criminals, we arent worried about a few skeletons. I can assure you I’ve faced worse” Jack replied as he traced the scars on his face with his index finger.

Joseph turned to Bob. “Are we here to save the day or are we just running errands?” Joseph said, his tone turing less friendly. Bob was startled by this shift in his new friend. “Many townsfolk dont take it seriously but I am worried that this is a sign. The skeletons were peaceful and now most of them have gone and started attacking people and stealing things. I am not only worried about skeleton reputation but ALSO worried that the dreaded Necromancer is returning to power. He is the only one who has such sway over the undead” Bob stammered. Jack rolled his eyes and went about his business.

    Joseph and Jaye considered what Bob said but before either of them could speak, a female voice chimed in. “It has grown worse. Your friend with the fake mustache is correct to be afraid” The group turned and saw a woman with raven hair and pale skin approach the group. Her piercing green and blue eyes looked over the group as she spoke. “I have heard that skeletons who go to the casino come out in a frenzy and no longer care for the laws and rules of Hallows End” She added.
    “My mustache is actually real. Skeletons can grow mustaches, its a real mustache” Bob protested. Joseph was not only enraptured by the beauty of this stranger but also excited that they now had a reason to visit the casino. “SO, I guess we are heading to the casino!” Joseph said. Jaye was about to protest but decided to quietly go along with it. He took a healthy swig of maple syrup and readied his claw hammer for the inevitable trouble they would find themselves in.

    Joseph began to leave the tavern but stopped short. “I’m Joseph by the way. It is a pleasure to meet you. What is your name?” Joseph asked the raven haired woman with his most charming smile. “My name is Lynara. It is very nice to meet you, Joseph” She said with a smile. When she smiled her mouth moved but her eyes stayed intense and concerned. “I could help you if you wish. I know a little magic and am also concerned about the threat to this town” She added. “Of course! The more the merrier!” Joseph replied without discussing it first. Without another word Joseph raced towards the casino with the new girl in tow, Jaye following cautiously behind and Bob scrambling to keep up.
    The group raced to the casino, Lynara’s long hair and dark black and purple robes blew in the wind as they ran. She had a black, leather belt tied around her robes and tucked into the belt was a magical talisman, Joseph hadn’t noticed any of this.

    The group arrived at the casino shaped like a devils head and Joseph quickly walked in. The inside was awash with bright lights, sounds and smells. Food and drink flowed from table to table, the games and tables were decorated with flashing lights and buzz words like “Winner” and “Cash”. “Time to investigate” Joseph declared with a determined look in his eye. The group made its way through the busy casino. Joseph kept a watchful eye out for a skeleton of any kind. His keen eyes scanned the room for skeletons. He completely forgot Bob was a skeleton.

    “I don’t know if I should be in here. What if the evil magic of this place turns me into a lawbreaker?!” Bob said nervously as he rubbed the ends of his boney fingers together. “Oh, that is a good point! We could use Bob as a guinea pig” Jaye suggested. “T-that wasn’t the point I was trying to make” Bob protested. “Just sit down and play one of the cheap slot machines and we will watch. If you start to change we will stop you” Joseph assured the mustached skeleton. “Yeah, by force if we have to” Jaye said clutching his claw hammer. Bob returned to being nervous.
Bob sauntered over to a slot machine and sat down. Put a coin in and began to play. He lost. Then he tried again. Then he lost again. With each loss he looked at the two friends with a pleading expression. Then on the third try he won, coins began to spill out of the machine and lights flashed from the machine. “Ahh! I broke it!” Bob cried. “No, I think you won” Joseph replied. “OH! Right! Of course I did. I am of course a very successful business skeleton” Bob retorted as he groomed his mustache with confidence. Jaye scooped up the coins and dumped them into a large cup, then handed it to Bob.  “Do you feel evil yet?” Jaye asked. Bob gave the question some serious thought. Then replied “No, I feel the same”

As Bob played the slots a pair of casino bouncers appeared from the shadows. Both were skeletons, one was the skeleton of an ogre and one was a human skeleton. Both wore flashy suits and carried clubs. “Greetings, friend” Said the human sized skeleton. “My name is Handsome Johnny and this is my associate Grux” Replied John the handsome skeleton. “SO Handsome!” Jaye said with a smirk. If Johnny had a face he would be scowling.

“We have a very special offer for you. Something to seriously consider” Johnny told Bob. Bob was sceptical but nodded “Alright, I will listen to your offer. I am after all a very good business skeleton” Bob replied. Johnny nodded “right, right. So, who are these humans. Are they your servants or something?” Handsome Johnny asked. Joseph and Jaye looked at eachother then Bob spoke up quickly. “Yes! Of course. So if you want to offer me anything, I will be bringing my SERVANTS” Bob replied looking at Joseph and Jaye. “As you wish, sir” Joseph and Jaye said reluctantly. The two friends didn’t want to get separated from Bob at a time like this.
Lynara at this time was watching from the back. Her form was translucent as she moved and the skeleton bouncers never once noticed her presence. Even Joseph had a hard time keeping an eye on her lovely figure.

The skeleton bouncers then escorted Bob and the group away from the slot machines and through the casino. They walked past the loud, blaring machines, the cheers of winners and the sobbing of losers. They finally arrived at a red door marked private. They pushed the door open. The doorway led to a very swanky hallway that was somehow even more expensive looking than the rest of the casino. The hallway had several doors on the right and left but the bouncers continued down straight until they reached a golden. They pushed open the door and led the group into a large room where the owner of the casino sat.

A large skeleton sat behind a very expensive desk. The casino boss was almost fifteen feet tall and towered over his skeleton ogre henchmen. This monstrous skeleton wore a tailor fitted suit and fedora. The room, his chair and desk were all large enough to accommodate his size. Joseph, Jaye, Bob and invisible Lynara were now all faced with a room full of thugs and a giant skeleton in a suit. The threat to their safety was rising and they had to rely on Bob to talk them out of this situation.
Lynara was concerned, Joseph was worried and Jaye was eating.

Joseph Stephens and the Pumpkin spice

The crisp Fall air blew in from the north and collided with the warm air of summer. After weeks of warm weather the season finally started to show itself. Joseph Stephens was driving down the street in his bent up jalopy, the windows were down and he smelled a hint of wood smoke. Joseph thought two things, first was how much he loved wood smoke and how comforted he felt when he smelled it and secondly, it was early in the morning and someone not only woke up earlier than Joseph but had the energy and motivation to start a fire. Joseph didn’t like morning people but if some nut was awake and filling the air with the warm comforting smell of wood smoke, he would give them a pass.

Unforeseen circumstances dragged Joseph out of bed earlier than he would have like and though it wasn’t ideal having to bail his friend Jaye out of jail at seven in the morning, at least Joseph was able to enjoy the ride home. While driving the infamous green Jalopy, Joseph passed by his favorite coffee place, “Jerk Toff Jimbo’s Coffee and creamery”. Below the sign of a smiling cartoon Jimbo was a wooden sign in the shape of a pumpkin hanging from a metal pole with a chain on either side connecting the pole to the wooden sign. The sign read “Pumpkins back Bitches” in an elegant styled font that had been carved into the wood of the sign. Joseph knew that sign meant Jimbo’s was serving pumpkin coffee and other pumpkin flavored foods.

The morning was getting better and better and Joseph still had some money left even after posting Jaye’s bail. Luckily Jaye only got into weird trouble and the bail was set for five dollars and thirty-eight cents. The Police officer almost gave Joseph a reward for taking Jaye Williams away from there, but that would have been against the rules.

Joseph Stephens parked his car and as he slowed to a stop smoke came out from the back of his car. Joseph sighed then opened his car door and walked toward the coffee shop. As Joseph approached the brightly lit coffee shop a swarm of young single white girls flooded out of the shop talking loudly while staring at their phone. Joseph Stephens was almost run over by the gaggle of girls. The smell of pumpkin coffee floated through the air as the girls passed by. These girls were pumpkin spice armatures and made pumpkin lovers look bad. Joseph had been shaped into the person he was by Autumn. For many the love of pumpkin didn’t extend passed “OH MAH GOD BECKY, This is like SO good”. Joseph could write poetry about autumn and his love for pumpkin.

Joseph approached the coffee counter “I’d like two pumpkin coffees please” Joseph said. “would you like Creeeaaam and sugar?” Asked Jimbo with one raised eyebrow and smiling with a full row of white teeth. “Y-yeah” Joseph stammered, taken aback by how creepy Jimbo was. People often forgot that Jimbo molested post office workers in his free time, yet somehow he continued to get customers.

Joseph waited by a large support beam that was painted to look like a giant cup of coffee holding up the ceiling. “Heeeere you go sir” Said Mr. Jimbo. Joseph took his cup of piping hot pumpkin spice coffee and took a slow sip.

Joseph’s mind flooded with pictures of autumn, scenery, sights, smells, nostalgia and enjoyable times with friends who hadn’t been put in prison for Llama fighting. Buying an over priced pumpkin spice flavored caffeine drink was Joseph’s first tradition of fall. It was his way of welcoming in the new season and preparing himself for the good times ahead. The caffeine made Joseph feel more awake and the artificial flavors of pumpkin pie spices gave him the warm fuzzy schmood that he always loved.

Joseph walked to his car, feeling even happier than when he first left his poor old, beat up, green car. Smoke billowed from the back of Joseph’s car and Joseph sighed again but he wasn’t about to let the smoke ruin his mood. Joseph started his car and continued on his way home. The whole drive home he thought about the future and how this Autumn season would play out. The trees hadn’t started to change colors yet but the cool air and the pumpkin coffee made Joseph feel a little closer to autumn.

Joseph finally arrived home, he parked, opened his car door and took the two pumpkin coffees from their drink tray. He stood up and walked over to his trunk. Joseph continued sipping the one coffee and placed the second coffee on the hood of his car. Joseph then took out his keys and opened the trunk. Inside was Jaye Williams, who had been cooking a ham in  a makeshift grill that he cobbled together from coat hangers and lighter fluid. The ham was raw all the way through, except on the bottom where it had been burnt black. Thick black smoke billowed from the trunk and Jaye looked dead. “I got your coffee” Joseph said. Jaye didn’t respond. “Its pumpkin spice” Joseph added, his tone was bored and slightly annoyed. Jaye sprang up and jumped out of the trunk. Jaye didn’t want the silly inconvenience of being dead in a trunk to ruin his chance of having a pumpkin spice coffee in the beginning of the season.

Joseph closed his car doors and trunk while Jaye sipped his coffee, holding the cup like a squirrel holds an acorn. “alright, I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you later” Joseph said. “Yeah, later” Jaye said while he took small quick sips from his large to-go cup. “Are you heading home?” Joseph asked as the two men stood in Joseph’s front yard. “Oh yeah, of course” Jaye replied, still focused on his coffee.

Joseph looked annoyed as Jaye stood there and nibbled the plastic top to his coffee. “Get out of here ya freak!” Joseph shouted. Jaye sprang up in the air and started to scamper away as soon as he landed. Jaye ran off into the cool morning mist while he held his coffee with both hands and shuffled along the ground with his feet like a squirrel trying to cross the road. As Jaye disappeared into the distance Joseph thought about the upcoming season and was already planning for Halloween. As a crisp Fall breeze blew passed Joseph, he thought about how thankful he was for autumn, pumpkin spice coffee and that weird squirrel boy Jaye that he called his best friend. 

Joseph Stephens and the Deep Narration

“The world is cold and today, gray skies and cold wind blew through me and chilled my bones. Winter is always a difficult time for me and this year is no exception. Being cold all the time and the lack of sunlight make the normal problems of each day feel worse. I sit and clutch my drink and warm myself by the fire. I sit and I try to forget. I take a sip of my drink and slowly sink into my chair, my muscles relax a little with each sip. Soft music is playing in the background, it always helps me think when wordless music gently hums in the distance.”

 

            “Are you narrating in there?” Asked a voice from another room. Jaye Williams walked into the living room where Joseph Stephens was sitting in an old fashioned green chair, holding a drink, cuddled with a blanket and sitting in front of a space heater. “I’ve had a hard day, ok?” Replied Joseph Stephens who was in fact narrating. Jaye walked over to him and looked at his drink, he had something that looked like a gin and tonic in a highball glass. “Are you drinking? Its only three in the afternoon” asked a concerned Jaye. “No, its only seltzer water, I wanted to drink but alcohol upsets my tummy” replied Joseph.

 

            “Do you want to talk about it?” Jaye asked. Joseph looked really sad for a second. “No, thank you though. It really was a tough day though.” Joseph said with a sad sigh. Jaye Williams smiled “Do you  want to narrating it with me?” Asked Jaye. Joseph’s face slowly crept into a smile. “Yes, yes I would” Joseph said.

 

            “Some days are hard and some nights are worse, but if you look for the little things in life, it might be enough to get you through the strife. I leaned back in my chair and turned the space heater/roaring fireplace up to ten and sipped on my drink, it might have been cranberry seltzer but it could also have been a gin and tonic” Joseph said aloud in his best soothing narrator voice.

 

“The two friends sat back and enjoyed the fire, knowing that whatever happened, they would get through it and no matter how cold it got, spring would always come again” Jaye said in a slightly less impressive narrator voice.

 

            “thanks pal” Joseph said. “No problem” Replied Jaye in a slightly better narrator voice.

Joseph Stephens and the final day part 2

Joseph Stephens walked through the city park, it was a beautiful day in the city of Ales. The sky was blue the grass freshly cut and vibrant green. at the center of the park was a pond, at the center of the lake was a large rock, on the rock sat a mermaid tanning herself in the warm September sun.


"this place is weird" Said Joseph Stephens. "weirder than being visited by the physical embodiment of seasons and weather?" Asked Jaye Williams. "No, no I suppose not" Replied Joseph. Joseph wore a green V-Neck shirt, jeans and brown shoes. Jaye had on his green hooded sweat shirt, with a yellow t-shirt under his hoodie, he had Jeans and black shoes with green and yellow stripes along the side.

The two friends walked through the park, they were in both stopped in their tracked when they saw the mouse lady. She was over five feet tall, long pink tail, gray fur, stood on two legs and wore a dress and bonnet. She was strange looking but not necassarily dangerous. The image of the mouse lady was burned into the minds of Joseph and Jaye. To look upon the mouse lady was to feel bugs crawling under your skin. there was something wrong with her, besides the obvious.

"I think we need to introduce this mouse lady to my claw hammer" Said Jaye. Joseph nodded "Shes out in public though, so lets approach slowly and see if we can avoid a huge fight around all the families. Jaye gave Joseph a weird look "since when did you care about keeping families safe? do you want to protect their teddy bears too?" Jaye asked as he laughed. "Diiiiick" Joseph said while he let out a loud sigh.

The two friends approached the mouse lady. She was sitting peacefully on a bend and had a basket next to her. She reached into her basket and pulled out a small pie. an eight year old girl was playing frizbee with her parents and the frizbee landed by the mouse lady. the little girl ran to retrieve it and as she did the mouse lady leaned in holding he tiny pie. "Wwoould youu like a piie?" cooned the mouse lady in a raspy hissing voice. The little girl was scared and couldnt move, the mother and father ran toward their child to check on her.

Joseph drew a dagger from his belt, the blade was jagged, the hilt was black and on the pommel there was a dark green gem. this was the dagger of the serpent. The magical green gem kept the blade coated in poison at all times. One stab with this mystical dagger and the mouse lady would be down for the count. Joseph was proud of his weapon collection, especially his serpent dagger, which he bought from a one eyed man who sailed the world and had boxes full of mystical items. Joseph bought one of the boxes and paid with gold coins and a wheel of cheese. the dagger was in the box he bought.

Jaye pulled out an old fashioned pirate pistol, a weapon he "borrowed" from Joseph's mystical item box. The two friends ran toward the mouse lady as quickly as they could but without drawing attention to themselves. The mouse lady drew in close to the child and smiled, revealing sharp and jagged teeth. "Come to my nest and I wiiill give you many more piies" The mouse lady's eyes flashed red as she spoke.

"stop!" Shouted the father of the child. "Begonne! she iiis miine now!" Hissed the mouse lady. Her shrill voice and broken mannerisms sent chills up Joseph's spine. The father tried to grab his daughter but the mouse lady slapped the father with her long tail. The father was knocked backward and Joseph ran in with his dagger ready for action.

Jaye pulled out his pirate pistol and fired a single shot. the mouse lady blocked with her tail and the bullet shot into her tail and the bullet wound burst into flames. the Mouse lady shrieked as she whipped her tail back and forth, fire buring from within the bullet wound in the center of her tail.

The child ran and so did the parents. Joseph jumped in close to the mouse lady and tried to stab her with the dagger but she charged forward and knocked Joseph to the ground. Jaye tried to fire another shot but was also knocked down by the rampaging mouse lady. The two friends got up as fast as they could but the mouse lady was fast. She was running on all four legs now and headed into the subway station.

The bright clear day began to fade and dark clouds rolled in. Rain poured from the sky and thunder rumbled in the distance. "Its raining again" Joseph announced. "I hadn't noticed" Jaye said sarcastically then smiled. "So we have to follow a rat into a subway? maybe she learned her lesson" Said Joseph, who didn't really like the idea of being in a confined area with a mouse monster. "Come on, it will be fun" Jaye said with a smile.

With some trepidation the friends entered the subway tunnel in search for the mouse lady.

Joseph Stephens and the Final Day part 1

            The day had approached, the day Joseph Stephens would finally be rid of all of his enemies all in one fell swoop. Joseph Stephens was a kind and gentle soul but for various reason he had gathered a few enemies. Though they were not constant threats, allowing them to live would risk potential danger in the future.

            Jaye Williams heard that all of Joseph’s foes would be gathering in the same city for one day only. The reason was a mystery, but the fact remained that they had all come out of hiding and now was the time for Joseph to strike.

            Joseph’s enemies included a sword wielding dog who lost his honor long ago in a game of chance, a rat woman that ate children and hid in train stations and last was the sun. Every summer the sun would let his awful daughter July roam the land and spread heat waves and awful direct sunlight onto the world. Kill the sun would show July to show some respect and it would mean Joseph could say goodbye to heatstroke, heat sickness, sunburn and the unpleasant feelings that heat brought.

            All of his enemies gathered in the city of Ales. Down town Ales was also known as Drunk town. Drunks would clutter the subways, trains and streets. Some would even have kids with them. A drunk pushing a stroller across the street was not uncommon in such a hive of unpleasantness.

            Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams hurtled down the highway on a makeshift motorcycle that Jaye Williams built in his garage. The vehicle was barely street legal and looked like a golem made of spare parts or some kind of awful junkyard dog robot. If the motorcycle could speak it would either be completely insane or cry out for death. It was Jaye’s finest creation and he loved it as much as a man could love a motorcycle/robot/golom/dog/junkpile/sin against nature.

            Jaye drove and Joseph rode on the back, feeling a little awkward sitting on the back of the motorcycle, clutching onto Jaye’s torso for deal life. Also he wondered if other cars thought they were dating, because in his mind, couples usually rode motorcycles in this manner. The drivers of the other cars didn’t have a chance to wonder if the motorgolom’s drivers were dating or if they were even human, because the motormonster drove so fast that it looked like god had hurled garbage down the highway. Truly it was a marvel to behold, or not behold, depending on where you were standing.

            The city was fast approaching and Joseph couldn’t wait to get the fighting started, these jerks had it coming and the two friends came prepared. The motorcycle had weapons strapped to every inch of it and Joseph had several weapons on his back and strapped to a belt on his waist. Joseph was coming to Ales city and he was bring hell with him.

            The illustrious city of Ales had a beautiful uptown district where all the rich snobs got blasted in the lap of luxury. The buildings were tall and impressive, the shops were stylish and the bars were numerous. Businessmen walked down the streets saying buzz words at each other and stroking their egos as they spoke.

            Jaye and Joseph wandered the streets with weapons strapped to their backs, no one questioned it or stopped them. One police officer finally did stop the duo and asked about the weapons. “We’re cosplayers” Replied Jaye. The police officer scoffed and then smiled and walked off.

            After walking the streets for several hours, Joseph finally spotted a lead. The Sun, or the spirit of the sun was outside of a coffee shop ordering a large coffee. The actual sun, earths sun still was in the sky warming the earth, but the entity known as “The sun” or “Solus” could travel between earth and earths sun. “Solus!” Joseph shouted and charged at the embodiment of heat. Solus glanced at Joseph with a bored look and sipped his coffee. “DO you remember me?!” Joseph shouted, loudly enough to make the coffee shop clerk back away slowly. “No. Should I know you?” Solus asked sounding somehow more uninterested by the second. “I fight with your daughter July every summer, I curse your name every time I get heat stroke” Joseph said in disbelief. “Well, a lot of people hate July and cursing my name doesn’t do anything but use up your own breath” Solus said, sounding so disinterested that he almost stopped talking mid sentence.

            Joseph was feeling discouraged. He wondered if all of his enemies were built up in his head, what if none of them even knew he existed and all of this vengeance was the act of a sad weirdo with too many weapons. Before Joseph had a chance to call off the vengeance mission Jaye Williams reached for a weapon on his back and shouted “CLAAAAWWW HAMMMMMAAAHH!!!” then hurled a claw hammer at Solus’ head. The hammer whirled through the air and struck Solus firmly in his fiery orb of a dome. This jolted the heat spirit and made him spill his coffee.

            Solus was instantly furious, flames erupted from the ground around him as he roared loudly into the air. “WHO did that?!” Solus shouted. Jaye was standing behind Joseph and was pointing wildly at Joseph. “You! Joseph! You will forever be my enemy and will curse the day you crossed me!” Solus shouted as his arm shout forward and his finger plucked out from his fist, forming a very menacing finger point in Joseph’s direction. “Yussss!!!” Joseph cheered. Finally the feelings were mutual and they could fight without Joseph feeling guilty. “Jaye, you are a true friend” Joseph said with a warm smile. Just then a fireball was hurled through the air and blasted Joseph backward into a building. “No problem buddy” Replied Jaye to his charred friend.

            Joseph smiled as he stood up. He reached into his bag of weapons and pulled out a giant sword. The sword was four feet long and had a lighting bolt engraved into the center of it. A purple gem rested in the red hilt and the gem also had a lighting bolt symbol. This was the sword of storms, an ancient weapon that could call forth storms, rain, thunder and lighting and be wielded as the swordsman saw fit. Joseph found it at a garage sale and bought it for twenty bucks. He haggled it down from thirty bucks to twenty and felt proud about it all day.

            Solus gathered his strength and formed a flaming sword in his hand. “I am the father of fire and heat. You have no hope to defeat me!” Solus exclaimed. Joseph raised his sword into the air and rain began to pour from the sky. Thunder boomed and lighting cracked against the sky. All of the drunks had to move indoors to drink also.

            Steam rose up from Solus as he was pelted by rain. “Nice trick, but I am not defeated from a bucket of water” He exclaimed, clearing enjoying his own voice. Then before Joseph could blink Solus had crossed the ten feet between them and was able to slash his flaming sword right through Joseph. Joseph’s eyes went wide, he stumbled and fell. His bag full of weapons clattered to the ground and his shoulder smashed against the pavement, landing on it with the full weight of his body. Inside the backpack a jar was smashed. A glowing purple fairy was freed from the jar and began to buzz around Joseph. The glowing sprite was swearing and cursing at Joseph in fairy language as it buzzed around. To a human it all seemed very magical. Joseph remembered the healing powers of fairies and quickly snatched it out of the air, popped it into his mouth and chewed it up.

            Joseph was filled with a renewed energy and purpose. His strength returned and his will to fight was bolstered. “Thank you delicious fairy. Thank you” Joseph muttered under his breath, then a single tear fell from his eye in her memory. Joseph looked up at Solus with rage in his eyes only to be greeted by the sight of Solus being pummeled by a claw hammer being wielded by Jaye Williams. He was laughing like an insane elf and whacking the sun spirit with all of his might. “Bap bap bap bap! Claw hammer! Did you forget who you were dealing with?” Jaye shouted. Jaye’s claw hammer also had a gem in it, the gem rested in the handle of the hammer, the gem was red and it had a symbol of a hand giving someone the middle finger. Scholars everywhere have yet to determine what kind of magic the red gem held, or if any at all.

            Solus laid on the side walk defeated, broken and rained on. “Now you go back to your sun and stop being such a jerk about the weather!” Joseph shouted. Solus slowly stood up and nodded meekly. “As you wish” he said then turned into a ball of fire and took off into the sky.

            Solus was defeated, but the Mouse lady and Dishonored dog still remain. Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams have a long journey ahead, full of violence, drunkness, dumb jokes and claw hammers.

Joseph Stephens and the lonely road

It was dusk, light was quickly escaping from the sky. Joseph trudged through the mire as he watched the sun slowly setting beyond the horizon. His sword hung loosely from his hand, his clothes were covered in mud, his face was covered in sweat and his sword was covered in blood. "Its been a long day without you, my friend" Joseph said out loud with a sigh. This world was hard and unforgiving but it didn't always seem that way. Joseph thought about the days when the road was less hard and journey was filled with laughter. That was before Joseph lost his way and had to travel alone.

Joseph wanted to go to sleep but there wasn't any dry land to sleep on for miles, so on he walked. it was one of those days that he wished would just end, but seemed to drag on without thought or consideration of Joseph's feelings. The water in the mire began to ripple all around Joseph. the tall grass shook and the earth rumbled. a giant human shaped creature emerged from the swamp waters. It was over eight feet tall and easily five hundred pounds, it was so large that it must have been sleeping in the mud under the water. the water from the mire wasn't over a foot high.

Joseph let out a hard and tired sigh and drew his blade, bringing it up in front of him. He assumed his battle stance in front of the swamp giant. Its skin was muddy, yellow brown and looked hard as stone, its hair looked like it was made of swamp plants and covered most of its face and head. Bright red eyes shone out from under the tangle mess of plant hair on the creatures head. the beast roared and lifted its over sized hands, clenching them into fists.

Joseph brought his sword down low and charged forward, in the corner of his eye he could almost see his friend the wizard floating over the muck and mire, grinning at his dirt covered friend. Joseph sloshed through the mud and sliced the giant's leg as he ran passed the creature. The swamp giant slammed his fists down, splashing dirty water everywhere and missing Joseph completely. Jaye the wizard would have been blasting this create with every lighting spell he knew if he were actually here fighting. Joseph smiled at his friends overzealous nature and continued to move quickly through the murky water, slashing the swamp giant across the legs and arms and dodging the beasts giant fists as they slammed down around Joseph. if the swamp giant landed even one hit, the strike would be so strong that it would shatter bones. Joseph had to keep moving, despite the muddy water being hard to run through and the fact that the swamp giant's skin was almost as hard as stone.

After every time Joseph slashed the giant, he would have to immediately have to dodge the next on coming attack. Each time the swamp giant swung his fist it grew closer and closer to actually hitting Joseph. "I can't do this alone" Joseph muttered. He imagined his friend fighting there with him. the giant's fists never found their mark because two quick moving humans were too hard to hit. Jaye would send out blinding light and burn the beast with fire and electricity. the battle would be won and it would be added to the vault of memories that they both shared, but Jaye wasn't there and Joseph had to survive long enough so that he could see his friend again some day.

the swamp giant's fist struck right next to Joseph and the force sent him flying. Joseph always imagined his death would be a last stand against an overwhelming army or at least dying in a blaze of glory while possibly also being on fire, but dying to a swamp giant ranked pretty low on ways to leave the world. "What are you some kind of chump? Gonna die to a big dumb giant like a big sad baby?" echoed Jaye's voice. Joseph almost laughed out loud when he heard these words. Jaye hadn't shown up to save the day, but his memory did. "Lets waste this fool" Joseph said with a smile. "you're dumb" Jaye replied also smiling.
Joseph charged up all of his energy into one strike. His body began to glow and his sword's blade bursts into flames. . "X Strike!" Joseph shouted as he ran forward, the heat of each step sizzled the surrounding water. Joseph ran so fast that flaming sword sliced through the air and his feet parted the water. The memory Jaye the wizard charged with electricity and charged forward with equal speed and force, both friends charged through the swamp giant with the force of a tornado or an earthquake. the attack pattern looked like the letter X with the swamp giant in the middle. Jaye flew through the Giant  releasing huge amounts of electricity into the creature. At that exact moment Joseph was slashing his fire sword through the beasts chest. they both ended with their backs to the monster. The swamp giant let out one last roar before collapsing back into the mud. Joseph coughed and felt woozy from exhaustion but kept the smile on his face. Jaye's memory smiled back at Joseph.

Joseph was able to defeat the swamp giant on his own, but it took the memory of his friend to encourage him and bring out his inner strength. Sometimes the road gets hard and sometimes it gets lonely, but if you can find a friend you can enjoy the time together and look forward to that time when you are apart. When you find a real friend they never leave you and no matter what has happened they always will have your back.

Joseph Stephens and the Crushing army

            A cloaked figure stood at the edge of a cliff that overlooked a valley. The Valley was covered in soldiers all marching under a red banner with a the gruesome image of a hammer crushing a skull. The cloaked figure smiled from under his crimson red cloak, he stuck out his hand and flames shot out through the air. The Army halted and began to cheer for their leader. The army was made up of human soldiers, orcs, golems, wizards, wolf riding goblins and some of the finest bowmen in the land. Such a mixed bag of creatures and professionals all marched under the same banner of their all-powerful master, The Archemage Williams. The Arch mage pulled out an enchanted relic, a powerful war hammer from an age gone by. “With this we will make the lands of old bow to us! We will conquer the world and reign over it for thousands of years!” Shouted the Archemage as a burst of flames shot up from the ground. the Army cheered loudly, sound of their cheering was a mighty roar that echoed through the land.

           

            In a quiet town on a quiet street a man named Joseph Stephens was cleaning up his house for springtime. His adventures were that off the tame variety, talking with the physical embodiment of Fall, winter, Spring and summer, having a bizarre thanksgiving with his friend and talking to fish who were bad luck. He never dreamed of looming armies and war torn lands. Joseph saw his friend Jaye Williams asleep on the couch and struck Jaye sharply with the end of his broom. “Wake up! You are supposed to be helping” Joseph said with an annoyed tone. “All will fall to my crushing might and vast armies” Jaye said half asleep. Joseph jabbed Jaye with the broom handle again, Jaye woke up fully with a start and tried to blast Joseph with a fireball. “Oh, right” Jaye said looking down at his hands. It was all a dream, No vast armies, no Archmage Williams and no crushing lands of old. “Archemage Williams shouldn’t have to put up with this” Jaye muttered. “What?” Joseph said only half listening. “Do we have any more cookies?” Jaye asked, completely forgetting his dream. “Only those chess cookies that I like” Joseph replied.

            So the Archemage Jaye Williams went into the kitchen and ate a chess cookie, though they weren’t his favorite. The land would be at peace for another day.

Joseph Stephens and the Clover brawl part 2

            It was a quiet St. Patrick’s day evening, the grass was green the trees were starting to bloom and everyone was having a good time consuming low level poisons that tasted like bread and happiness. On the outskirts of town was a pub that the locals referred to as “The Clover”. Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams stood in the demolished bar as a whole group of magical and ‘roided out bros stared them down. Joseph and Jaye glowed with a golden light from the magical Irish stout they drank in the basement of the bar and they were ready to show these jerks not to mess with people who just want to mind their own business. Wizbro smiled from under his amber-crombi brand hood. Joseph ran forward with the fury of a guy who was picked on in high school and now has magical powers. Joseph swung at the Wizbro and midair Joseph’s arm turned to stone. The stone punch connected with Wizbro’s face. The stone fist shattered his good looks and the other bros quickly leaped on him and devoured him to gain his power. The Bros can smell weakness and hate the weakness in themselves as well as others, so they seek to destroy all who are considered ‘less’ than themselves. Also Wizbro was magical so eating his flesh could give people magic.

            RoidBro stepped up in his place, now surging with some small amount of magic stolen from Wizbro and veins filled with illegal drugs he charged at Joseph and punched Joseph so hard he flew backward, destroying a support beam and part of the wall as he went. “No one beats on him but me!” Jaye shouted, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a claw hammer engulfed in flames. “Flaaaame Hammar!” He shouted, hoping his catch phase would catch on. He then threw the hammer with all of his magical strength. it whirled through the air at Roidbro. Before it could hit, Roidbro caught it out of the air and began to laugh. His laughing was interrupted as the flames from the hammer spread out along his arm and then quickly covered his whole body in scorching flames. RoidBro slammed his palms on the ground causing a shockwave which extinguished the flames. RoidBro was too late though and his shockwave was his last act. Roidbro fell over and hit the ground with such force it shattered the floor under him and his body fell into the cellar.

            Several Bros charged Jaye at the same time, unaffected by another fellow council member’s death. “I am starting to think this group is more about picking fights than sticking together” Jaye said as the group rushed at him. Jaye jumped in the air causing wind to start spinning around his body, when he landed the wind was discharged and sent out rushing toward the group. Hurricane winds blasted back the bros and shattered all the windows in the building. Jill was taking cover behind the bar and when the hurricane winds blasted out the windows she went into the basement.

            Every time Joseph or Jaye took out a Bro there always seemed to be more to take their place. Joseph tried to focus his energy, all of his golden energy focused into his hands and he shot it into the air. He used all of his power but was still drunk. Joseph fell over from exhaustion and because he was a lightweight. As soon as he hit the floor a crack of thunder shook the sky. Rain began to pour down and a bolt of lighting shot down through the ceiling and struck a group of bros, blasting them to ashes. The bar caught fire from the lighting strike and the wind from the storm spread the fire over the wooden furniture. Jaye realized how serious it was getting and grabbed his friend. Jaye used the last of his energy to teleport both of them a twenty feet away from the bar and outside. Jaye then remembered Jill the bartender was still in bar. He started to run toward the bar when he saw a group of Bros charging in over the horizon like a vicious army of beasts. Then the redheaded bartended blasted out of the bar, glowing with energy and using wind magic to fly. She drank the rest of the Legendary Irish Stout and now surged with power. The bros were furious as they charged the bar. Jill the bartender charged up a ball of fire and then launched a stream of flames out from her hands. The bar, the army of bros and any grass in the area was consumed by flames as the flying bartended laughed hysterically.

            Time passed, the rains extinguished the flames and Jill, Jaye and Joseph had all sobered up and exhausted their magic. There was nothing left of the bar, just scorched ground and ash. Joseph had regained consciousness and was staring at the spot where the bar used to be. “We did the world a service getting rid of those bros” said Jill. “What will you do now? Asked Joseph. “Maybe the Owner will sell me the land cheap, I could start my own bar. Not a gimmicky bar, just something nice to call my own” Jill replied. “Can we get free drinks?” Jaye asked excitedly. “If you help me build it” Jill replied. “Well that’s a deal!” both Jaye and Joseph said at the same time.

            It was a cold, rainy night, St. Patricks day was almost over. Joseph could think of better ways to spend his day, but having a drunken magic fueled brawl while ridding the world of a dozen or more Bros is still pretty great.

Joseph Stephens and the Clover Brawl part 1

            It was St.Patrick’s day, the day when people with any amount of Irish blood celebrated their heritage and try to feel like part of something larger than themselves while getting blasted drunk. Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams weren’t normally drinkers but on St. Patrick’s day they decided it would be rude to not help celebrate.

            Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams walked down the street on their way to “Irish mcpatty’s Irish clover themed pub and bar” Everyone just called it “The Clover” some residence even asked the owner of the bar to change the name to “The clover” but the owner refused. The owner was Italian.

 “So do you have any Irish in you?” Asked Jaye. “Yeah, my great great grandfather came here from Ireland, good old Herbert Ramshackle Stephens” Joseph replied. Out of all of the Stephens family Herbert Stephens was the most memorable, but that is another story for another time.

            “What about you, any luck of the Irish in your veins?” Joseph asked “eh?! No, yeah, well maybe. I was raised by wolves” Jaye replied casually. Joseph knew wolves didn’t raise Jaye, Jaye’s parents attended the large thanksgiving dinner in town. Joseph thought for a moment “His parents looked human, wait…were they wolves in disguise? Can wolves do that? They didn’t look especially Irish, is there even such a thing as Irish wolves? There’s wolves in Ireland, right?” Joseph thought to himself. The whole time Joseph was quiet and continued to walk with a furrowed brow and focused eyes. “You were raised by Irish wolves that can walk and talk like people?!” Joseph finally shouted after ten straight minutes of silence. Jaye didn’t even flinch or react he just casually said “Yeah, that’s right”

            Finally the two friends arrived at “The Clover”. The outside of the bar was brown wood panels with painted green trim and a cobblestone path that led to the door. The two walked into the bar, which was packed full of people wearing green and drinking Irish beer and Irish Whiskey. Some people were drinking green beer, light beer with green food coloring, and they were shunned. Joseph was wearing a forest green spring jacket, a dark green shirt, black pants and brown shoes. Jaye was wearing a weathered old dark green hoodie, under that he had on a bright lime green t-shirt, blue jeans and purple and yellow sneakers.

            The bar was decorated in Celtic Irish patterns, deep green, dark oak and an over all rustic appearance. Joseph and Jaye walked up to the bartender who was a redheaded woman named Jill. “what can I do for you lads?” asked the bartender. “Two dark beers and two shots of Irish whiskey” Said Joseph Stephens. “Yo, dude. You sure you don’t need, like a green milkshake or something? Hey Bartender, I think these two kids snuck in” said a loud douchebro wearing a lime green polo shirt and drinking a green beer.

            Joseph Stephens was a very young looking for a guy in his mid twenties and Jaye didn’t look too much older. Both men were the same age and could only grow a little facial hair. The Bartender just sighed and Jaye patted Joseph’s shoulder “Settle down slaps, its ok” Jaye said. Joseph was noticeably upset but he calmed himself. Joseph got his drinks and did his shot at the bar. Jaye did his shot and then the two walked off to find a table. Celtic music was playing in the background and Joseph really enjoyed Irish alcohol, though he rarely drank. Joseph took a single sip of his dark beer. The flavor was terrific. It was just the right amount of bitter and savory, the aroma made him feel happy and nostalgic all at once. Joseph and Jaye smiled as they both took large sips of their beer. It was a great moment, but the moment quickly ended when Joseph was shoved by the Lime shirt douchebro. “You ignoring me bro?” Asked the Bro. Joseph stumbled and dropped his glass. Time slowed to a crawl as he watched his almost full glass of dark beer tumble to the ground, hit the floor then shatter. Beer splashed everyone around and several people were annoyed. The moment the beer hit the ground Joseph was already mid punch. Joseph decked the Bro in the face as hard as he could. The Bro stumbled backward, enraged that someone stood up to him and touched his face. Furious and with wounded pride the douchebro attacked. Jaye lifted a chair up over his had and smashed it down onto the Bro, which sent him crumpling to the ground. “Chair” Jaye said casually. “Not the same ring to it as Claw hammer” Joseph replied.

            The crowd of drunk customers began to slowly make their way to the exit. Normally fights would excite a crowd but for some reason this crowd seemed worried. “Bro, did you beat our bro?” Asked a man in a black robe. “yeah, but he had it coming. Who are you?” Asked Jaye. “We are the party council, and I am Wizard Bro. If you start beef with one of us, you start it with all of us” Said WizBro. “Are you joking?” Joseph said in disbelief. “Weird stuff just follows you” Jaye whispered. Wizbro began to wave his hands through the air and then brought his hands out, electricity surged through his hands and came out from his palms in a stream of electrical energy. Joseph and Jaye jumped out of the way as the electrical energy turned the tables and chairs to ash. The electricity also consumed DouchBro. “Oh, dude, bro. Sorry about that. Inform his next of bro” Said Wizbro to another jerky looking guy.

            “This is nuts! How are we supposed to fight magic?” Jaye shouted over the sound of the bar being torn up by electricity. “We find the legendary Irish Stout. A dark beer so delicious and legendary that it gives the person who drinks it incredible powers, also makes them drunk” Said Joseph. “That sounds made up” replied Jaye. “you weren’t really raised by wolves” replied Joseph. “Was too!” said Jaye. “Hey, idiots. The cellar of this pub has keg of legendary Irish stout, go get some and stop that jerk from destroying the bar!” The redheaded bartended shouted.

            The two friends nodded and ran behind the bar and the bartended opened a hatch that led to the basement. The two men jumped down into the musty basement. It was dark and filled with different kinds of alcohol bottles, kegs and casks. The bartender closed the hatch and hid behind the bar swearing under her breath as the Bros wrecked the place. “Where did they go?” Shouted one of the Bros.

            Joseph and Jaye burst up through the floor drunk and glowing with energy. “here we are”

Joseph Stephens and the best Christmas ever part 2

It was the night of Christmas Eve and in four short hours it would be midnight, meaning Christmas. Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams were both still seeing autumn colors instead of normal leafless trees and on top of that it had not snowed and it didn’t look like it would snow any time soon. “We need some snow and a way to stop seeing autumn, at least for a day” Joseph said. They both loved autumn but Christmas wouldn’t be the same without snow and proper Christmas colors. “Hey Winter! Ya big jerk, get down here!” Jaye yelled. Joseph’s eyes widened and he shook his head frantically at Jaye.

            A freezing cold wind blew through the town and Old man winter stood before the two friends. Winter was an older looking man with whitish blue skin, a great white beard, he was thin and was the height of an average human male. From the moment he appeared Winter had his teeth clenched and was glaring at Jaye. “Hello winter, my friend was just trying to get your attention. You see he actually wanted to apologize.” Said Joseph. “I did?” Asked Jaye. Then he added “Oh, right! Yes I did. Look winter, I am sorry for bashing your head with a hammer. It was Joseph’s fault for leaving the hammer out anyway. I am still sorry for whacking you with it” Jaye said. Winter’s face relaxed a little but he still looked annoyed. “apology accepted” Winter muttered angrily.

            “So does this mean you will make it snow for Christmas day?” Asked Joseph. “And also help cure us and let us see winter scenery again? We drank some autumn magic creamer and it makes us only see autumn stuff” Added Jaye. Old man Winter winced as the two friends spoke. It was as if their voices caused him actual physical pain. “No, and no. I accept your apology but I still hate both of you, so no snow on Christmas. Also autumn magic is too different from winter magic for me to help you, even if I wanted to, which I don’t. The creamer should be out of your system by Christmas morning” Winter explained.

            “Do different seasons really have such diverse magic?” Asked Jaye. “Yeah, every season has their own type of magic, which is why we can hurt each other” Winter replied. “Look I gotta go, your faces and voices are annoying me and I gotta get something to drink. This was a bad year to quit drinking” Winter added. Then Jaye got an idea. “Wait! Joseph has some private stock rum in his kitchen, if you make it snow for tonight and all through Christmas then we will give you the rum” Jaye offered. Winter seemed intrigued but looked at Joseph to see if this was true. Joseph sighed and then nodded. He didn’t want to give up his finest rum but if it meant snow on Christmas then he would do it. The lack of snow on Christmas didn’t just effect Joseph’s house, it affected the whole town. One bottle of rum was a fair trade for a wintry Christmas for the whole town.

            Jaye ran off like an excited puppy, leaving Joseph and Winter standing in the front yard alone. “So how’s your head feeling?” Joseph asked, trying to sound concerned. Winter just growled. Jaye was gone for three minutes exactly, but those minutes felt like an eternity as Winter and Joseph stood in uncomfortable silence. Jaye returned with a glass bottle of eggnog. “I forgot that I mixed all of his rum into this eggnog earlier today. Its still pretty strong. Is that ok?” Jaye asked. “So Strong!” Added Joseph. Winter looked annoyed but accepted. “yeah that’s ok. Eggnog is pretty festive” Winter took a swig from the bottle the moment Jaye put it in his hands.

            Winter drank down several gulps. Winter drank from the bottle like it was life saving medicine. Winter lowered the bottle from his mouth and sighed happily. then a weird look crossed his face. “What was in that eggnog? I feel sick” Winter said as he started to tremble on his feet. Winter lurched over and began throwing up icy slush mixed with eggnog. “That was eggnog laced with magic pumpkin creamer! Ha Autumn Magic!” Jaye yelled then kicked Winter in the face. Winter stumbled backward “you! I will…” Winter started to say as his rage overflowed. Jaye interrupted him with another kick. “how does Betrayal taste, jerk?” Jaye shouted. Joseph Stephens was nervous that this wouldn’t end well. but then again Winter was a jerk and he wasn’t going to bring snow to Christmas anyway. Joseph Stephens picked up a shovel and whacked Winter with it “Betrayal x2!” Joseph shouted. Jaye then pulled a claw hammer from his back pocket. “Cllaaaaww Hammah!!” Jaye shouted into the air and then hit winter again. As the two friends beat on Winter the thought came to Joseph. “If Winter wasn’t an immortal and magical being this would be incredibly illegal and messed up.

            The two friends pummeled Winter until finally Winter used his weakened magic to make icy winds blow the two men backward. “Fine! I will return the snow! But I warn you, I am not one to mess wi…” Winter warned but was interrupted when Jaye shouted “Claaaw Haaammmar!” And then threw his claw hammer at winter, striking the Wintery deity in the face. Winter let out a loud roar that sounded like hurricane winds blowing through a town. Then Winter vanished in a buff of snow and ice. “Yeah! And tell Santa Clause that I still have a score to settle with him!” Jaye shouted.

            True to his spiteful words, Winter made it snow. Snow began to fall gently over the town. The two friends still saw autumn trees, pumpkins and fall decorations, but now there was snow over everything. It was a weird and magical sight. Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams went inside and decided to rest. They hoped that in the morning they would see Christmas the way it was meant to be seen. Jaye slept on the couch, wrapped in various towels, old blankets and couch pillows, Joseph slept in his bed.

            That morning the two woke up and ran to the window. The landscape was beautiful. Icy white snow sat undisturbed across the land, pine trees were decorated with Christmas lights and the fall colors had disappeared. Red, green, white and blue colors dotted the landscape and both friends agreed that this was the one day of the year it was nice to not see fall colors.

            The day moved on, Joseph and Jaye had breakfast then went to their families houses, exchanged gifts, saw old friends and had hot chocolate. Jaye had an unpleasant surprise when he found that the bad luck fish was sitting in a fish bowl in his parent’s living room. The bad luck fish was a talking fish that brought misfortune to all as long as they were around him. Jaye kept his visit short and on his way out from his families house he threw the bad luck fish and his fish bowl out in the river. Jaye then slipped on ice and busted his lip.

            Joseph ran into a yeti named Horrus and met Horrus’ children, all twenty-seven of them. Joseph saw his family, had dinner, played in the snow, and was thrown into a snow bank by one of Horrus’ children. Good times were had by all.

            Joseph returned home tired but happy. As he approached his house he saw Jaye walking toward him over the horizon. Jaye looked injured, tired and happy. The two friends went into the house. Joseph lit a fire in his fireplace. Jaye made some eggnog with what eggnog they had remaining. “Can I use that private stock rum of yours?” Jaye called from the Kitchen. “Yes! That would be great. No pumpkin creamer in mine please” Joseph called back. The two began to laugh.

            The two friends sat in front of a crackling fire and sipped on their very alcoholic eggnog. “So strong!” Joseph said as he took a sip. Jaye laughed “well we had more rum than we had eggnog” He replied. “Nah, its ok. I like it.” Joseph said. Jaye smiled as if remembering something “Did I ever tell you the time I was in college and we were all about to leave for the holiday break. I went to the cafeteria to get some food on the last day and the lady serving the food goes ‘I can’t wait to get home and get some bourbon and eggnog’. I didn’t even know her or say anything, she just said it out loud” Jaye said. “Weird” Joseph replied. “Yeah, it was” Jaye said. The two friends sighed.

            That year might not have been perfect and Christmas eve and Christmas day wasn’t perfect, but despite the ups and downs of the season, Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams thought it was certainly the best Christmas Ever.

Joseph Stephens and the best Christmas Ever part 1

            It was the eve before Christmas and it had been raining all day, the air outside was chilly and the skies were all gray. Joseph Stephens was in his kitchen with cookies to bake and it had not snowed all day, not even a flake.

            Joseph Stephens’ house was lined with Christmas lights that sparkled and shined brightly out against the gray skies and dim light of day. The smell of pine trees and cookies added a comforting aroma to the air. Joseph and Jaye had been listening to Christmas music, relaxing, finishing up last minute gift-wrapping and cookie baking. Joseph noted that when Jaye was visiting he would run out of cookies ten times as quickly.

Joseph and Jaye sat on the floor next to the Christmas tree as they placed the last of their gifts under the tree “hey, so I was wondering…” Joseph started to say as he turned to his friend. Jaye was noticeably eating another cookie. Joseph wasn’t sure where that cookie even came from because the cookies they baked were in the kitchen and neither of them stood up in the last half hour. “Yeah?” Jaye asked with his mouth full of cookies. The pointed end of a star shaped cookie was sticking out of his mouth. Joseph chose to ignore that. “So, yeah I was just wondering if you heard from Old Man winter since you bashed him over the head last month” Joseph asked. Jaye slowed his chewing but didn’t stop. He had a thoughtful expression as he tried to remember. “Yeah, I think I remember him saying something about no snow for Christmas because he was annoyed with me” Jaye said. Joseph sighed. “Maybe I can talk to Old Man Winter tonight and see if he will make it snow for tomorrow. By the way do we have any more of those cookies left?” Joseph said. Just as Joseph asked, Jaye was in the middle of taking a cookie out of his pocket and was about to eat it. Joseph looked at him, then at the cookie. Jaye slowly moved the cookie to his mouth and then ate the whole thing in one bite. “No, we just ran out of cookies” Jaye said with a mouthful.

            Joseph stood up and went into the kitchen to get a snack. “If I cant have cookies maybe I will have some coffee or hot chocolate” Joseph called back as he rummaged through his cupboards. “Ooh! Whatever you make, make some for me too!” Jaye called into the Kitchen. After searching through the cupboards Joseph checked the refrigerator. When he opened the door to the fridge he spotted a pumpkin creamer left over from Autumn. “hey I found some pumpkin creamer, I think Patches left it here. Pumpkin is kind of a winter thing too right?” Joseph called into the living room. “yeah, Totes! Brew up some coffee and lets take a trip to flavor town” Jaye called back.

            Joseph started his coffee machine and looked at the bottle of pumpkin flavored creamer as he waited. He remembered trying it in the Fall and he remembered how fresh it tasted. It tasted like it was made with real cream, sugar, spices and fresh pumpkin. Only Patches would bring something like that with him. soon the coffee had finished brewing and Joseph poured two cups of coffee, both with pumpkin creamer.

            Joseph walked into the living room with two cups. He saw Jaye holding a cookie out, offering it to Joseph. “I just found this in the side pocket of my hoodie, do you want it?” Jaye said. Jaye was wearing a green hoodie and often kept food stored away in its large pockets. “it was in a plastic baggie, so don’t worry” Jaye added with a laugh.

            Joseph sat down and took the cookie “thanks man”. Joseph took a bite of his cookie and then washed it down with a swig of pumpkin coffee. As soon as the flavor hit his tongue his eyes lit up. The creamer tasted even better than he remembered. Joseph and Jaye both looked at each other and nodded with big smiles on their faces. “This stuff is magical!” Jaye said. “yeah man its so good!” replied Joseph.

Joseph looked at his tree and smiled, the lights sparkled so brightly with Orange, yellow and red lights. “Wait…didn’t we use Christmas lights?” Asked Joseph. “And weren’t the trees bare?” Asked Jaye. Joseph looked outside and saw that all of the trees that lost their leaves had returned but with their fall colors. Christmas lights and decorations still covered houses, trees and street lamps but everything had an autumn look and feel to it. “Its like an Autumn Christmas” Jaye said as he ran outside. “Maybe that creamer really was magical” Joseph said as he followed his friend outside.

            Outside the air smelled of woodsmoke, the ground was damp with fallen leaves and rain. the light rain sprinkled down on their heads. The trees were in full autumn colors, the lights were white, yellow, orange and red. The creamer made the two friends see autumn everywhere they went and they would see autumn colors until the magical effects wore off. “This is the best!” Jaye cheered. “this is great but I hope Christmas day looks like Christmas day. “Don’t worry! Winter will probably help us with that. I mean he cant stay mad forever right?” Jaye said with a laugh.

Joseph Stephens and the trouble with Winter

            Joseph Stephens sat in his car as snow gently fell to the ground. The car was running and Christmas music was playing on the radio. Joseph was waiting in a parking lot alone, just him and a bag of fast food. Joseph peeled back the paper on a large burger and took a bite.  The taste sensation that filled his mouth was extraordinary, the savory flavor of meat and cheese mixed with the sweet flavors of ketchup and pickle. After one bite Joseph knew he was a changed man. He took another bite, then another, each bite as wonderful as the last. Joseph looked through his frosted driver side window and saw Jaye Williams walking toward the car. Joseph was waiting for Jaye and wanted to get out of the car and greet his friend but the burger called to him. Joseph took another bite. It was impossible to resist. The burger was so good that Joseph felt compelled to eat it, the same way someone wouldn’t be able to stop kissing someone they loved. The two lovebirds knew they would have to depart but every kiss felt like fireworks and ‘just one more kiss’ was never enough.

            Jaye knocked on Joseph’s window and Joseph turned to see his friend and then waved. Joseph unlocked the passenger door and Jaye climbed into the car. Joseph had ketchup on his face, empty burger wrappers in his car and a feeling of shame in his soul. “So what is up my homie?” Jaye said, making sure to enunciate each word. Joseph started the car. “Not much man, just waiting for you” Joseph said hoping that Jaye wouldn’t ask him about his burger experience. “Sorry it took so long, you’d be surprised how many weird looks I got when I asked for Christmas clothes for my hamster. At least I was able to find the decoration we needed” Jaye replied. Joseph and Jaye almost never spent the holidays together but due to a strange stroke of luck they had been able to spend both thanksgiving and now Christmas together. “Sweet Turduckin Christmas this is gonna be the best Christmas ever!” Joseph said as he backed out of his parking spot and drove off.

            Jaye was staying with Joseph for the holidays and they both decided to go all out and decorate like madmen with a mission. As soon as they arrived at Joseph’s house they set to work hanging Christmas lights and making eggnog, which is the second best nogg just behind Pumpkin nogg. While Joseph was trying to balance on the later Jaye did his best to steady the ladder, that was until Jaye got bored and they began banging the ladder with a hammer because it sounded funny. “H-hey, how about some eggnog. You should go make some” Joseph called down. “You sure you don’t need help out here?” Jaye said sincerely. “yeah, I am fine. You go on and start the nogg a’brewin’ “ Joseph replied as he did his best not to fall off ladder.

            Jaye went inside to make Eggnogg. As Joseph was working on string up lights a hard wind blew and shook the ladder. Joseph clung to the roof as the ladder shook under the force of the wind and was eventually swept away. Joseph fell but grabbed onto the rain gutters just in time. The rain gutters cracked and Joseph lost his grip and fell two floors to the ground. Just before impact a winter wind grabbed Joseph and gently set him down. Before Joseph could say “what was that” a well-groomed blue and white skinned gentleman appeared out of nowhere. He wore a large coat, had a white beard, blue and white skin, black eyes, dark blue winter boots and a stylish winter hat. “Old man winter?” Joseph said sounding skeptical. “That’s right my boy! Winter is here for another wonderful season!” Winter cheered then put his arm up in the air to emphasize excitement. “What happened to you? Usually you are cranky and have anger problems also you drink in excess and chase off Autumn. Autumn actually left town a little early just so he wouldn’t have to fight with you like that one time you and he fought so hard half of the city almost was destroyed” Joseph told Winter. Winter let out an old man chuckle as he remembered the good times. “Oh ho ho, yes indeed I remember that. I am pleased to say I have given up booze and have been working on my temper. I am a new winter” Winter said with a smile.

            As Joseph was talking to Winter Jaye came rushing out of the house. “Old man winter! I am tired of your shenanigans!! Feel my wrath!” Jaye shouted and then swung a sledgehammer down and smashed Winter over the head with it. At that very moment Jaye remembered that Winter was immortal and probably wouldn’t be knocked out even by a sledgehammer, the searing pain made Winter instantly enraged and Joseph wondered how Jaye was able to get into the tool shed and find his sledgehammer.

            Winter screamed in pain and then took a deep breath in and blew out as hard as he could. The full force of winter winds was aimed at Jaye and Jaye was thrown backward. He sailed through the air half frozen and immediately regretting his decision. Joseph jumped in front of Winter “Its ok Winter, remember your progress? Ok? Also remember you weren’t always the nicest guy and Jaye didn’t know you were working on being a better person” Joseph said. Winter started to calm down but was still angry “Yes, you are right. I will leave though, I can’t risk being set off again by your friend” Winter said as he barely contained his rage. A cold wind blew over the area and Old man Winter was gone. After he disappeared snow began to fall from the sky, but only over Joseph’s house.

            Joseph looked over at Jaye who was upside down, half frozen and stuck in a tree. Jaye smiled and gave a thumps up. Joseph nodded and then sighed. Joseph helped Jaye out of the tree and into the house. The two friends then made some hot chocolate and sat in front of the fireplace to get warm. The fire crackled and the two friends sat in silence.

            Jaye finally spoke up. “Ever think…” Jaye was about to say but then Joseph interrupted. “…How hard it is to balance life, work and relationships? How after a while you see time, emotional energy and physical energy as commodities or currency like money, something to save up, spend and budget? How, no matter how much you yearn for the past you can never recapture it? Yeah I feel like that too” Joseph said all in one breath. He replied in day dreaming voice as if he was just airing out his thoughts and not actually talking to Jaye. “Uhh..What?” Jaye said finally. “what?’ Joseph said as he snapped back into reality. They both stared at each other with quizzical expressions. “What was that thing you just said?” Asked Jaye. “Oh, sorry, I was thinking about a hamburger I had today” Joseph replied.

            The two friends sat in silence for a while. Then Jaye looked outside to see it was still snowing “Want to build a snow fort?” Jaye asked. “yes, I really do” Replied Joseph. The two friends always preferred Autumn and missed it dearly but winter had its own good side and despite all of the trouble with Winter, Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams were determined to have a great holiday season together.

Joseph Stephens and the best Thanksgiving ever

            Joseph Stephens lived in a small town in America. Every November Americans celebrated Thanksgiving, a day that celebrated the Indians or Native Americans and their generosity to the Pilgrims. The Indians were killed shortly after. It was truly a holiday steeped in much tradition. Joseph Stephens and many others celebrated the day by spending time with their families, some would say as punishment for what their ancestors did to the Native Americans, but Joseph was not so cynical.

            It was a crisp autumn day, the season had lasted almost two months that year, which was a record day that many had not seen the late winter of Nineteen tickedy-two. Joseph walked down the street whistling a happy tune. He wore a green coat, jeans, black sneakers and a shirt with a collar on it and everything! Joseph also had his hair combed back to show that he was being extra considerate on this most thankful of Givings.

            Before going to dinner Joseph stopped by the house of his friend Jaye Williams. Joseph and Jaye had been friends since they were little. Ever since they survived the great Yeti mating season when they five. Spring sprang in early that year and the thawing snow kicked the Yeti’s into survival mode. But that is another story for another day.

            Jaye Williams was a tall thin man who wore a gunmetal gray coat, had black hair, olive skin, hazel eyes and was surprisingly not Italian. “Ready for another stuffing day?” Jaye asked with a wide grin on his face. Joseph often couldn’t tell if Jaye was just being silly, drunk or always had a hidden meaning to his words. “Yeah man lets get to it” Joseph responded. The two friends began to walk down the street. Normally they would eat separately, eating with their own their own family but this year one of the wealthiest men in town randomly selected whole families to eat at his giant house for dinner. The man was named ‘Grand Duke Richard Albatross the second’ Richard Albatross was not royalty but when you are rich you can make people call you whatever you want.

            Joseph and Jaye were taking it easy that day, while their families rushed ahead to explore Sir Albatross’ mansion. The two friends preferred to travel together and take their time. “This dinner sounds pretty extravagant” Said Jaye as they walked over the cracked sidewalk of low town. “Yeah, I heard there would be so much food and so many types of people. I know it’s going to be exciting but I hope nothing weird happens” Joseph responded. “Weird? Like what? Are you saying you hope the random dinner invitation from an eccentric millionaire will lead to a normal and calm night?” Jaye asked with a smirk. “I have had a really weird year and so far this kind of thing doesn’t even register on my weird scale” Joseph replied. “Maybe you’re so weird that strange stuff is just attracted to you. Like some kind of freak magnet” Jaye replied. Joseph slapped Jaye on the back. “Well if I am a freak magnet and you are my best friend what does that say about you?” Joseph laughed.

            The two friends walked through low town and arrived at the crosstown bridge. This Bridge would get someone across the river below and connected Low town and High Town. The bridge had a sidewalk on either side and had two lanes of traffic going in and out of from High Town. The first step onto the bridge and Joseph already felt safer. The crime-ridden streets were behind him and the bridge to fancy pants Ville was ahead. The Cross town bridge had newly paved roads, freshly set sidewalks and carved, waist high stone walls on either side of the bridge to keep pedestrians from falling into the water.  As the friends crossed the bridge they could already see the Duke’s mansion ahead. They walked quickly across the mile long bridge as they both day dreamed of the feast that waited for them ahead.

            The frosty November air nipped at Joseph’s nose and it made his breath visible. Joseph was not looking forward to his meeting with Old man winter, but knew that he was close. Soon he would have to say goodbye to autumn as winter the old drunk stumbled in like a train wreck. “Whatcha thinking about?” Jaye asked when he noticed Joseph had a serious expression. Joseph smiled “Just thinking about how I am going to eat so much free food. I might even eat more than you!” Joseph said. Jaye laughed, “No one can eat more than me, except for fat Joe the ham champion. Fat Joe had won every single eating contest ever held in High town and Low Town.

            The friends made it over the bridge and stepped foot into high town. All of the houses were medium to large sized, spaced apart and had their own gardens. The street lights were styled like old fashioned street lamps from the 1700s and Christmas decorations hung on light posts, trees and buildings. “GAH! Christmas stuff already? Turkey day isn’t even over” Jaye complained loudly. Joseph sighed “Yeah man I know. I love Christmas but this seems excessive. Some people just can’t wait” Said Joseph. Then both friends remembered how excited they were for Halloween every year and often put up Halloween decorations in September.

            After a short walk through High Town the two men arrived at the Mansion of Sir Albatross. The whole building was in the style of a London house mansion from the 1700s and decorated with Autumn leaves and thanksgiving colors. White Christmas style lights adorned the lampposts in the front of his house and along the borders of his house. Joseph walked up to the large red door and knocked. A short butler answered the door. The butler was short but looked solid like he could double as a body guard. His eyes were narrow and he had a short nose. The Butler frowned when he saw Joseph and Jaye at the door. “More of Duke Albratross’ ‘guests’ “ Said the butler who clearly didn’t approve of inviting strangers to the house.

            The butler led Joseph and Jaye into the main room. It was a large room with large staircase in the middle that led to the second floor, part of the second floor was visible from the front door and looked like an indoor balcony that led to other rooms. Jaye and Joseph looked around and tried to peek in on side rooms as the butler led them down a hallway into the dinning hall. “This isn’t Sir Albatross’ normal dining area, this is for parties and guests. Please stay in the dinning hall and do not wonder the house” Said the butler in a stiff voice. Joseph and Jaye giggled to each other as their minds raced with the mischief they could cause. They weren’t likely to cause much or any trouble but they could imagine so many things to entertain themselves with in such a big house and when the butler told them not to do something that made them want to explore and cause trouble even more.

            Jaye and Joseph were led into the Dinning hall. The room was enormous and could have held half of the families in low town. The Banquet Hall was filled with people but not so packed that people couldn’t move around freely. Jaye saw his family and ran over to greet them. Jaye’s father was telling a dirty joke to a stranger, the strange looked uncomfortable. The sight of it all made Joseph laugh. He walked through the room alone and tried to look for his family. The Dinning Hall or Banquet Hall was large, the walls were white with gold trim and the floors were marble tile with an intricate design that spread out through the whole room. The tables were round and sat up to ten people each. The tables each had one solid color tablecloth, either dark brown, red, orange, yellow, black and green. These colors alternated throughout the room. White lights were wrapped around marble pillars on the edges of the room and large arched windows dotted the walls letting the guests enjoy the view of the outdoors. The Banquet hall was located toward the back of the mansion and had an excellent view of the wooded area behind the house and a small river at the bottom of a sloping hill. The front of the mansion was visible to the public but the Duke owned a large plot of land and much of the back half of the mansion was surrounded by nature. The forest behind the house went on for miles.

            Joseph saw his parents at a table and waved. His mother was drinking heavily and his father was reading a book he brought with him. Both seemed unimpressed by the mansion. Joseph knew his parents weren’t rude but he did wonder why they weren’t more excited. He decided to talk to them after dinner, due to his mother’s trait of talking for hours. Joseph found Jaye in the crowd and ran up to him “After years of trying to hang out for the holidays its so awesome that we actually get to spend thanksgiving together” Joseph said with a smile. Jaye turned around and smiled. He was holding a small white cup of coffee and kept taking sips as he nodded. “Yeah man, its crazy. I plan to enjoy every minute of it. I can see my family anytime, you and me, we gotta live it up. What should we do first?” Jaye replied. “Well first you show me were you got that coffee, it smells great” Joseph said.

            The two friends walked through the dinning area and toward the back. In the back of the room was a large fireplace, crackling and popping as the flames flickered on the wooden logs. Armchairs were placed in a half circle around the fireplace. The chairs and fireplace rested on red carpet, which broke up the design of marble tile. The back of the room had the most windows, the best view, was the quietest part of the room, had a fireplace and over all seemed like its own separate room away from the party. The coffee was located on a fancy table. Various kinds of coffee and creamer were laid out and the sugar was in a white and gold porcelain bowl. Joseph poured some coffee and mixed in pumpkin flavoring. He and Jaye sat down in chairs and watched the fireplace. The smell of wood smoke mixed with the fragrant aroma of Joseph’s coffee. From the back of the room Joseph could also smell the kitchen preparing dinner. It was so wonderful Joseph wished he could have stayed there in that chair forever.

            Joseph and Jaye sat in their chairs drinking coffee and relaxing to the sound of the fireplace crackling. “We are couple of old men” Joseph said with a laugh. “Yeah we are. But its ok. I would rather be here than whatever people in their mid twenties are supposed to do” Jaye replied. Both men turned looked behind their chairs and saw Greg Smithson and their friend Briggs Magillakurk at the bar on the western side of the room. Greg and Briggs were drinking like it was the end of the world. When a party has free booze some people can’t control themselves and feel like they need to drink enough to make up for a weeks worth of drinking. Briggs and Greg were talking and laughing as they drank. Briggs made a joke and the two laughed. Then Greg shouted “I need it!!” So loudly that most of the room heard him. Greg and Briggs laughed but not as hard as Joseph and Jaye laughed. When Greg randomly shouted “I need it!” Joseph and Jaye burst out laughing and couldn’t control themselves. Neither of them understood the context of the situation but doubted that any conversation required someone to drunkenly exclaim, “I need it!”

            After the two calmed down and caught their breath they relaxed a bit more, chuckling in their chairs like idiots. Randomly saying “I need it!” back and forth to each other. But they didn’t say it very loudly so only they could hear the joke. A loud and majestic trumpet interrupted their jubilance. Grand Duke Richard Albatross emerged from a side door and the trumpets sounded again. “Greetings gentle guests, thank you all for coming to my Thanksgiving Dinner. As many of you know, I do not have many remaining family members, but this town, both the high and low parts of town, have been so very dear to me and have always been kind. So I invited some of my favorite families to my dinner. So we can all enjoy this wonderful night together” Duke Albatross finished his speech and everyone cheered. “Bring in the Turkey!!” Shouted Sir Albatross.

            Servants wheeled in a large mental table on wheels, on top of the table was a giant turkey. The turkey was the size of a small car and it took several people to move it across the floor. Joseph had never seen such a big turkey and wondered what it looked like while it was alive. Tables lined the walls and soon servants were bringing out trays of food. Mashed potatoes, squash, pumpkin bread, green beans, turnips, stuffing, apples baked in honey, corn bread, macaroni and cheese, all sorts of pickles, and various olives. The food went on and on. Joseph couldn’t even keep track of all of the types of food that were brought out.

            Jaye and Joseph sat at a table together. Servents brought trays around the room and served up the food as they passed by. The server with the sweet potatoes passed by Jaye put up his hand to say “none for me” and Joseph nodded and said “Two please”. After all of the servants walked by every table it was time to eat. Joseph and Jaye had two plates full of every kind of Thanksgiving and autumn food there was.

            “We should hang out with eccentrics, lonely billionaires more often!” Jaye said as he took a big bite of turkey. Dinner went on and everyone happily ate and talked. Hours passed and the sun had set on the town. Empty plates stacked up on every table and people grumbled and gurgled as they held their stomachs. Soft music played in the background creating a relaxing after dinner atmosphere. Servers came by to collect the empty places and remaining food then came by with coffee, brandy and different kinds of pie. Joseph had a slice of pie loaded up with whipped cream and Jaye had a slice of pumpkin pie and a brandy.

            The night went on and it began to snow. Gentle snowflakes drifted from the sky and settled on the trees and ground outside. The snow and relaxing music gave Joseph a good holiday feeling. Christmas was right around the corner and he could already feel it in the air. Joseph enjoyed a little snow and loved Christmas but he wasn’t in a rush for Thanksgiving to be over, especially this Thanksgiving.

            The night was peaceful and the talking had quieted down to a murmur. Jaye and Joseph sat back in their chairs as they finished their desserts and drinks. Joseph Stephen’s might not have had an crazy night but he did have a great one. Joseph could tell by the glazed smile on Jaye’s face that he was happy as well.

            Joseph Stephens and Jaye Williams would go on to have many exciting times and great holiday adventures, but the Thanksgiving they spent at the Duke Albatross’ house was certainly the best Thanksgiving ever.