Coffee and Pizza rolls

            The room sings as music and bright animation flashes from the computer screen. A steaming cup of coffee sits next to the keyboard. The taste of caramel swirls inside the hot brew. Sugar is a fine flavor by itself but the flavor of caramel means something different than the taste of sugar. We live in an age were any flavor can be turned into a compound and turned into a coffee creamer. The rich flavor of caramel is not only desirable but brings forth memories of candy shops, Autumn, Carmel apples and that one time I filled a grocery bag full of caramel cubes and spent months eating them steadily.

            The grocery bag of caramels was a special memory, the discounted price of caramel cubes felt like a victory. There was a large orange cat in my house who used to steal my caramels, neatly unwrap them and eat them. I could bribe the cat to do tricks if I only offered a half of the sweetly flavored cube.

            The outer world affects my mind in this way, as a cup of coffee can bring me back to my teenage years. I am amused by my own mind as I find that the deepest and purest memories are of nature and outdoors. When you travel to the deepest part of yourself, where the words fall away and there is only feeling and image, these parts of me are that of rainstorms with no lighting, sunny forest walks with my dad and numerous cats all trying to cuddle me at once. 

            There are equally dark parts that hold only negative emotions and terrifying images, awful things that your mind makes you forget so that you can continue living life unhindered by dread. These are images best left for another day.

            The world is inversed inside my mind as the nature of the outside is the deepest in me but the inside world of computers and shelter are more on my surface. I love video games and my internet connection, I like the aesthetic of big cities and would be stranded without my car but these are not the things that speak to my deepest self. I do have a cityscape in my deepest self but it is not the beauty of a bustling metropolis, it is the grime of a ghetto street that no one ever leaves and this is no somewhere I wish to visit.

            I muse on coffee and caramel, inner and outer self when I hear my toaster over ding. My pizza rolls have finished cooking. Some company took the idea of pizza, made these tiny pockets and put pizza flavored ingredients in them, froze them and shipped them to markets across the country. I bought a bag of these frozen pizza inventions and put them in my toaster oven. Now I have food ready to eat and it took little to no work. This is a sign of the times and often amazes. Besides getting food from a “drive thru” window, heating up frozen food is one of the quickest and easiest ways to eat. This is the era where we sacrifice health for time saving and it is amazing the things we humans come up with.

            While I could go on about my own introspection until next age of progress, I am going to leave with a thought and a question. “What does the inner part of your self look like?”

This isn’t a quiz question to be answered and turned in but something to ponder on.

Autumn Memories

            I remember an autumn day that was so bright and beautiful that I still visit it in my dreams. It was mid autumn in the small New England town where I lived. The cozy homes were decorated for the fall with pumpkins and autumn colors. Bright red, orange and yellow trees dotted the landscape. That year had the most vibrant colors I had ever seen. That morning was cool and misty. I went for a walk early so I could enjoy morning to myself. It was the weekend and no one was outside yet.. The air was refreshing and the smell of damp earth and rain lingered in the air. The sky was slightly overcast but just the right amount to make a person feel relaxed and sleepy.

            That afternoon I met my friend Wilson for pizza. The weather was still chilly but the sun was out so the occasional breeze didn’t bother me. I remember the bright blue sky as a background for beautiful autumn colors. The town was a little busier at this point. Everyone was wearing their warmer clothes and the smell of coffee was everywhere. I had pizza with Wilson that afternoon. We laughed the whole time we were together. Making jokes, enjoying the pizza and for an hour we forgot all of our troubles. It was perfect. During lunch Wilson was getting sentimental about the season, talking about family and relationships. I carefully listened because he was rarely a serious person. In the middle of his thought the pizza had crept up on him and he let out a loud burp. He stared at me with surprise, his eyes wide and a grin across his face. I squinted my eyes at him and smiled. It was gross and I was trying not to laugh, finally we both starting laughing hysterically. Wilson had not planned that and the burp was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to me. The day moved on and I still chuckled about that even after I left.

            Night came and I headed home. Night settled in, blanketing the town with darkness. As the sun went down street lamps and porch lights went on. Soft lights from lamps, autumn decorations and open windows of houses added a warm touch to the otherwise cold night. The smell of wood smoke drifted through the air, its rustic fragrance made me feel more relaxed and happy than any scent I had smelled before. The small town neighborhood was quiet and peaceful.

            As I was walking home I saw a black cat sitting on the steps of a rustic orange house, with a dark brown door and soft light coming from the windows. The cat wasn’t paying attention and seemed bored with me. I reached down to pet the cat, but right as I did the cat walked off. I couldn’t help but laugh. If cats weren’t so cute they wouldn’t get away with half of the things they do. I recovered from that devastating snubbing and continued to walk home. Pride wounded, but intact.

            I reached my house, it was a brick house with a green door and green window shutters. I walked in and instantly smelled the faint scent of pies and baked goods. My wife Jess and I had been baking and the scent rested through the house like a lazy cat. I turned on lights and removed my coat. My house was decorated with plastic autumn leaves, light up pumpkins and an autumn wreath on the door. I lit an apple cider scented candle and sat back in my chair.

            Jess came home with a big smile. She walked into the house carrying various boxes and decorations. Her strawberry blond hair kept falling down over her face as she carried everything inside. I helped her bring everything in and that’s when she told me about all of the Halloween decorations she bought. Halloween was over and it left a sadness in my heart, but my lovely wife went out to scoop up the remaining decorations for a fraction of their normal price.

            In the box was ghosts made of cloth and plastic, a Jack-o-lantern that screamed when you touched it and a twisted wooden sign that said “Hallows End”. I didn’t know what a Hallows End was, but it sounded spooky.

            The night wound down as I listened to soft music and sat in my comfortable chair with a glass of hot cider. Jess was reading on the couch and wore her adorable reading glasses. The music played on like a distant memory in the back of your mind. I started to fall asleep and my mind wandered off. It went and chased happy memories thoughts of fall and goals for the future.

            I thought of my slowly growing family that I had with Jess, the cool night air and how good the warmth of the house felt, hot tea, cold apple cider, baked goods and brightly colored trees. I was completely content of that night as I thought about misty mornings, bright fall days, cold October nights, autumn memories…and pizza burps.