Watching the rain

The rain trickled down like steady beats on a drum. Joe stared out through the window, sipping a cup of coffee. The coffee mug was old, blue and had the words “Bee Gr8 today” on it with a cartoon bee flying by. The tan walls of his apartment were mostly bare save a decorative wall tapestry that he bought from china town last time he was in the city.

            Joe grimaced as he struggled through with a headache, he hoped watching the rain would help him relax. Next to the window was Joe’s work desk, a simple wooden desk with a laptop, a mess of papers and several empty cans of soda and beer. Next to the laptop was a picture of Joe’s girlfriend, Mercy, she had raven black hair, and dark eyes. She was the light of his life but on that day, it was raining.

            Joe hadn’t heard from Mercy in weeks, the anxiety and stress of life was rolled all up into a bundle with the worry he had for Mercy and that bundle nestled itself in the base of his skull in the form of a headache. After all the phone calls were made, email checked and alcohol consumed, the only thing left to do was to watch the rain and hope for the best.

            There weren’t any books with instructions on how to deal with worry and potential loss, Joe never learned anything about his situation from school, his parents never told him how to behave in times of crisis and stress. Joe had to improvise and travel unprepared at the trouble ahead. Like a traveler with no shoes, Joe was exposed and unprepared for a loved one to go missing. The possible outcome and scenarios would play over and over in his head. What if she was dead, lost, kidnapped or what if she just left him for another man and moved to a different city without telling anyone?

            To hear her voice again would be a mercy, a reprieve from the psychological torture that Joe put himself through. Joe would jump when he heard his phone ring and at every noise that sounded like the doorbell. He would see Mercy’s face in the faces of strangers as he walked through town and every time he smelled her perfume he felt a sting in his heart.

            The rain slowed to a stop the sun wasn’t out but the rain had stopped. Joe set his coffee cup down and let out an exhausted sigh. The doorbell rang and Joe’s heart skipped a beat. He looked up to at the door and waited. He had been tricked by the sound of the doorbell before and didn’t want to get his hopes up. The doorbell rang again. Joe wasn’t expecting anyone and while he felt silly for holding out hope, he hoped the person at the door was Mercy returning to him.

            Joe walked quickly to the door, his heart racing. He was so excited to answer the door and see Mercy standing there waiting for him. Then he remembered all the times he answered the door and it wasn’t her and so he tried to temper his excitement.

            Joe gripped the doorknob and turned it. He opened the door. “Mercy!”

Day in the life

            Pain boils over, every inch of his body screams out for the end of it all, for sweet eternal sleep that will stop they wretched struggle of being alive. His body shook as his limbs twisted and writhed. A lights and sound rush past him, strange voices are heard. Then he feels piercing pain in his arm. He winces but then feels a flood of calmness wash over his body. Calm and relaxation in liquid form rushes through his veins. Everything becomes peaceful and the world goes dark. This is not the first time he has had such an experience and it wont be the last time. His name is Joe and he is nine years old.

            Joe was born with illness and will live the rest of his life with it. Pain, followed by surgery or long hospital visits then weeks of recovery. Joe thinks about his father’s old car. His dad had the car for so long it was mostly made out of spare parts. Joe feels like that car. Always breaking down and made of spare parts. He wasn’t born lucky enough to have a powerful engine or a dent resistant frame, Joe feels more like a beat up old sedan. This nine year old feels more aches and pains and has a longer medical history than his parents and rivals his grandparents.

            Many found it impressive that a child could handle such a huge burden and they couldn’t even grasp how he dealt with the pain. Joe couldn’t understand or grasp what it felt like to not be in pain. This was life and he knew no other way of being.

            In the weeks of recovery that followed a big flare up, Joe had a lot of free time at home, more than a normal child would have. He would spend hours in his room and think or sometimes read his little books. But this favorite thing was playing video games.

            He heard a large round man acting important and saying bad things about video games. “They corrupt today’s youth” and “all games are violent and lead to more violence”. Joe didn’t understand most of this. The games he played were wonderful. One afternoon he saved the world, or at least made a lot of progress toward saving the world. “Saving the world is a big job to do all before dinner” Joe said to his parents one evening during dinner when asked about his games.

            His games let him fly airplanes and drive fast cars. He could help people and find magical gems. He beat up bad guys, solved puzzles and one time built a city. Some games even let him hang out with his favorite super heroes from the comics. Video games were pure joy to him. In a world where a nine year old is fighting against his own body because of disease and illness sometimes it was nice to leave and visit a different world. A world where the rules were fair and everyone had a chance if they tried hard enough. A world where you were important and powerful and evil didn’t win.

            Joe grew up playing games. They gave him hope and set in his mind a subconscious will to fight. He began to see his illness like the evil wizard of one of his games. A thing that made people sad that he could fight against. Something that could be beaten and lead him to a happily ever after.

            Years passed and there was always some fool who had a problem with video games, but luckily the games stayed and Joe had another world to escape to and a fight he always felt like he could win.