When the Lights go out

When the lights go out, when the people leave and the last note of a song fades, that’s when you find out what kind of person you are. When there are no other voices to hear but your own, that is when you will start to hear your own true voice.

            I have screamed into the darkness and only heard daunting silence as a reply, I have drifted along in the tides of uncertainty for so long that I can stand firm and unwavering on my ship as my life drifts out to sea. I have grown so used to the sound and feel of misfortune that I feel dread when it is not around. I have embraced so many negatives in this world and act as if the world was this way for everyone. Some think I am strange or unnecessarily aggressive but they have not seen the things I have.

            I am so accustomed to being alone that I find it tiring to be around others for long periods of time. Just as some might not understand why I can’t stand large gatherings of people, I also have a hard time understanding how someone could not handle being alone.

Land of the living

Ok so before i start the story i would like to apologies for missing last week and say i promise the conclusion of the Ascended series will be next week. just hitting a few writers blocks and trying to make it great before i post it. so here is a different story that i think you might like.
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Darkness spread out and blanketed everything. Yusav wasn’t blind, but he might as well have been, because he couldn’t see even an inch in front of his face. He walked blindly, careful where he stepped. He didn’t know what the landscape looked like and didn’t want to trip over something of step off an edge. As he walked voices floated through the air. These voices were familiar but he couldn’t tell who it was, they were too faint and far away. he continued walking, trying to move a little faster, hoping to find someone he knew. even if they were both lost, they could be lost together.

“Yusav, I miss you” a voice echoed. Everything the voice said before and after this was too quiet to hear. But just hearing that phrase he knew who it was. “Ann?” he shouted back. Ann was his sister and she seemed upset and by saying she missed him it must mean he had been gone for a while now. Yusav didn’t even remember how he got here or where here was, he certainly wouldn’t be able to tell how long he had been away from home. Every time Yusav spoke, his words came out as silence. He could not call out to his sister or the other familiar voices because he no longer had a voice. His family was lost in this strange darkness and he could not hear nor see them.

He stumbled through the darkness for what seemed like hours, but without a sense of time it could have been minutes or days. Despite having a silent voice, Yusav called out to his family. “Sister, Mother, father!” he yelled, his words floated out in front of his face then vanished in the darkness. the more he walked the louder the voices were. He could hear his girlfriend crying, then suddenly she would be reading a story out loud, then the voice would change to Ann’s voice and she would talk about her day. The voices talked like they weren’t lost in the darkness, they seemed upset but not scared and alone, like Yusav was. “Family, where are you!” Yusav yelled out. He had grown desperate and began sprinting through the darkness, no longer being careful of ledges or walls that might be hiding in the shadows.

He ran forever but the darkness never waned and the voices never grew any closer. Feeling defeated, Yusav collapsed to the ground and began to cry. He didn’t know why he was here in this place of torment and he no longer believed he would be able to escape. Then his body began to twitch and jerk around, he felt a rush through his veins and felt like he was being dropped into icy cold water, he gasped to take one final breath, then bright light washed the darkness away. He began to see images, everything was blurry at first but then they came into view. He saw his family standing over him, smiling with tears in their eyes. “Welcome back to the land of the living” His father said. Yusav was in a hospital bed, but he couldn’t remember why. The doctor explained he had been in an accident and went into a coma for a year and just now woke up after no signs of recovery.

Yusav didn’t remember any of this, but realized that the voices he heard were his family visiting him and talking to him every day. Reading from his favorite books or making conversation like everything was normal, and this made his brain respond. Yusav was pulled out of the nothingness and back to the land of the living. His body hurt and he would have to regain his motor functions but he was alive and had his family there to help him. So even though he couldn’t remember everything from his past yet, he knew his future would be fine.

Spending Christmas alone

Christmas music played softly in the background in a dimly lit room. A man named Andrew sat at his writing desk with a mug of eggnog. Most of his apartment lights were off, but he had a string of multicolored Christmas lights running along the top of the wall. This was one of his favorite times of the year and was always a time to be joyful. This year was different though, this was the first year in a few years that he had been single for Christmas. Andrew wasn’t the type that needed girlfriends, but there was one specific girl named Rachel that he met around Christmas two years ago. The excitement of a new relationship mixed with the holiday cheer that he was already feeling.

            On Christmas eve they would visit her family, then on Christmas night they would visit his. Christmas morning however was just for them. They would make love in the morning, have a simple breakfast and then Andrew would get as excited as a kid to open his presents. They would exchange gifts, Rachel always tried to guess what was in the box before she opened it, she never did get one right. After they opened presents Rachel insisted they listen to Christmas music to relax before more family stuff.

            Present day and Andrew continued to listen to the music in the background, it was their favorite holiday CD. Tears filled his eyes, as every little thing around the holidays would remind him of her. It was strange that having someone around for the holidays made it twice as fun, but when the person is gone, it ruins everything. Andrew still had his health, his job and his family and for that, he was grateful, but still, something was missing. He thought of her constantly and doing so made his chest hurt, like he was being stabbed in the heart. It had been ten long months since they broke up and it hurt for a while, but Andrew thought he had gotten over it. Before the holiday season he was even feeling confident enough to start dating again. But then the cold weather set in and the jingle bells started to play and Andrew was reduced to a miserable helpless mass.

            The eggnog he was drinking was full of rum, he drank it down in one gulp. He was already drunk and this would only add to it. He didn’t care though. He needed something to help him forget the pain, to drown his sorrows. Andrew eyed his phone, but kept stopping himself before he called anyone. He was sober enough to know that no one wanted to talk to him in his current state and trying to contact Rachel would be a really bad idea, especially if he was drunk. He just wished for a few months they could be together again, have the old holiday feeling back, then they could go their separate ways.

            Andrews mind tormented him, playing over what he did wrong and what she did wrong and all the bad stuff that split them up. He couldn’t drop it, even though it hurt so bad to even think about her. In a fit of confusion and rage, Andrew threw his empty mug, shattering it against the wall then began to weep softly. His emotional pain felt like physical pain too, that plus the alcohol made him act like a wounded animal. How badly he wished he could find comfort. Comfort from his loneliness and from his own tormented mind.

            It hurt now but the pain would heal, he just needed to get through one day at a time and things would eventually get better. Then his phone rang, he rushed for the phone and answered it. “Hello?” Andrew said, drunkenly. “Merry Christmas, Andrew” Rachel said from the other end, rather meekly. Andrew’s heart sank into his stomach. How badly he wanted to say her name and go see her, to find comfort in her and pretend everything was back to normal. Andrew cried silently. “Hello? Are you there?” Rachel asked sounding worried. Andrew loved her, she was the only woman he ever loved and moments ago he would have given his right leg to talk to her again. But now, it just didn’t seem right. He didn’t know why she called, but things would never go back to normal, they would never be the same. Unable to speak and not knowing what to say, he hung up the phone. She might call right back, or she might never call him again. Right now, it didn’t matter.

            As soon as the phone clicked shut, he instantly regretted his decision. For another thirty minutes he threw himself around the room, arguing with himself and wondering if he made the right decision. When he eventually sobered up the next day, he decided that he did in fact make the right decision. That chapter of his life was over and it was time to move on. The rest of the holiday season was still lonely for Andrew, but who knows, maybe in the future Christmas will take on a new feeling for him and it will be a happy time, once again.