Jacob sat
on the soft green grass with his back against a large oak tree. The gentle
spring breeze felt nice on his face and the smell of flowers was everywhere.
Despite being in such a serene setting, Jacob’s mind kept drifting back.
The clash
of steel and the roar of battle still echoed in his ears. Jacob was looking
into the peaceful blue sky, but he was seeing battle. His memories would fade
in and out, replacing the present with the past. Jacob didn’t live in some
war-torn medieval age, he lived in a peaceful modern world. a world of
computers and advanced medicine. There was no reason to be truly unhappy, those
who complained must be doing so for attention, or because they didn’t realize
how wonderful life was.
Jacob
sighed. He enjoyed the nice weather, the sound of chirping birds and having
access to food whenever he needed it. He appreciated the advanced medicine and
the high tech computers that everyone loved so dearly. Despite all of this he
felt disconnected. He felt lonely, weak and worst of all, bored.
Depression
isn’t sadness, its depression is numbness, it is advanced boredom. When there
is no way to prove yourself, when the type of skills you have aren’t valued in
society, then there is nothing to do. If you can’t challenge your brain than
what is the point of having one?
Jacob was
outside because he was trying to reconnect with the world. He was trying to
embrace this ‘reality’ everyone talked so highly about. Besides the weather and
an occasional friendly face, reality wasn’t much to brag about.
It would be
so easy to back to the battle. It would be so simple to just turn it back on,
to be needed and loved, to have purpose. Jacob only had to sit at his computer
and turn on his game. He could disappear from a harsh unforgiving reality and
spend his time in the game. It would be so easy….
Jacob knew
his habits and he knew that if he started playing competitively again he would
get drawn in. The virtual world would consume him and he would let it.
He didn’t
know why he even cared. Jacob stared out as people walked by. He watched these
people conducting their lives and they seemed so normal. They knew something
that Jacob didn’t. he was missing something about reality that made it so
great.
These
passing people never talked to Jacob, people rarely spoke to him. Maybe they
were all just NPCs and life is just like the game he played. Jacob shook his
head and slapped his face. “No! I am not going down that road….I don’t need to
be called crazy. Along with all of the other things people call me” Jacob said
out loud. Luckily no one heard him.
Jacob tried
to reach out in the past. He went out of his way more than any of his brothers or
co-workers did. Jacob tried so hard to be ‘normal’ to connect with other humans
the way he was supposed to.
“WHY is this so hard?!” Jacob shouted in his room. On his
way home from the park he tried again to connect. He tried talking to a person
at the coffee shop, he tried talking to a guy on the bench. He even saw some
people from his college and tried to talk to them. It always ended the same.
Not only did he not make a connection
but most people seemed completely disinterested with his existence.
Jacob was a
young man who went to college and had a part time job. To an outsider he seemed
normal like everyone else, but no one could see his struggle to connect.
After
another round of disappointment Jacob decided to play his game for a little.
Just a little. He turned on his computer and booted up the game. The old
familiar song and graphics came onto the screen. He felt a sigh of relief. The
comfort of the game kept him going and helped heal his tired soul after a long
day of ‘reality’.
In the game,
Jacob was known as Soul Shadow a high leveled Dark Elf Ranger. He played online
with millions of people around the world and had more people on his friends
list than he had actual friends. In the game he never had a problem connecting
to people, they all had at least one thing in common, liking the game.
In the game
he had a chance to be heroic and kind, he could help people and fight evil. He
wasn’t the most powerful player and he was restrained by in game rules like
everyone else, but he still felt more free and powerful than he had ever felt
in his real life.
As soon as Jacob signed online his closest friend Ayla
messaged him. She was a girl around his age that liked many of the same things
that he liked. The only problem was that she lived in another country.
Ayla: Soul! I haven’t seen you in forever. The new expansion
boss didn’t scare you off, did he? ;)
Soul: No way! I just had boring life stuff to do. Don’t you
worry. I just need to upgrade my armor and I will ready to party up
Ayla: Glad to hear it, the guild was asking about you. Also
I missed our nightly talks.
Ayla:…I mean raids! Talking and raiding, ya know. The normal
stuff…
The two of them would carry on like that for hours as they
played the game. Sometimes they would do in game quests alone and sometimes
they would join a party together and run through dungeons.
As time
passed Jacob started playing the game more and more. He and Ayla had grown
close over the years too. When they weren’t playing the game they were talking
on their video chat messaging system. Jacob didn’t know Ayla’s real name but he
knew she was a real girl and a very pretty one at that. She was the first
person he could connect with outside of the game, though it was because of the
game that he met her in the first place.
Life just
seemed better when Jacob played the game and when he wasn’t playing he just
wanted to spend his time with Ayla. Everything else was just a distraction.
